What you make of yourself....

I didn't not sleep much those days, or not, at least, at night. Not in the way I used to. I can go to bed at two in the morning and still be wide awake and raring to go at five a.m. I always loved peaceful mornings, and often gets up, make myself a mug of coffee and reads on my balcony or lying on the wicker chaise longue with blanket flung over me, where I always manages to doze off.

It's coupledom that I misses, sharing, companionship, someone to share an interesting atricle, someone to.... talk to, someone that I could share my beautiful day at work or someone that I could share my not so beautiful day at work with. I misses the case of walking into a party as half of the whole, of being introduced to other couples and being able to refer to 'my partner.'

I misses fitting in.

Not that it matters much in my circle of friends, in this town, in which I really hate it. But at those friends when I ventures out of my comfort zone I finds myself wishing for a COMPANION.

Those times, I circles a play I wants to see, an opera I'd love to go to, a talk I'd find interesting. I'll call around the other single friends that I had (!) or some girlfriends that always called me as their 'gay husband.' And sometimes perhaps most of the times, even if the are all busy, I will still go, taking just my mobile, and my smile for company.

I always talk to peoples, but peoples aren't always so willing to talk to me, and I misses the car ride home, talking about why the play is suck, and how the production can produces such an awfull played and hope they will do a great job next year, etc.....

But I has been lucky, I has had three great loves in my life, far more than most peoples ever get, Scott, Angus and my baby girl Kithleen...

Losing Scott to his parents was really numbling, and if I am going to loose Kithleen ..... It's unthinkable..... and I has been through this before, three years ago, and I am still not entirely sure how I got through it.......!

Wishing you all the very best holiday season..... be safe and be fun.... Enjoy!

CLASSIC POACHED PEARS

2 cups red wine

2 cups water

3/4 sugar

I cinnamon stick

I clove

2 x 5cm (2 in) pieces orange rins

6 brown pears, peeled

Place the wine, water, sugar, cinamon, clove and orange rind in a saucepan. Heat, stirring, over medium-low heat until the sugar is dissolved.

Simmer for 5 mins, add the pears and cover, simmer slowly for 30 mins, turning the pears occasionally. Remove from the heat.

serve the pears with a little of the poaching liquid - serve 6