Is 'fate' ever come....?

James, James, James .... what do I say to you?

I WAS angry on Saturday night....

I told you I thought Greg was sexy, and you said NO, lots nicer men about... and then I found you kissing him!

But that's me being selfish: what I was most upset about was your unhappiness...

I want you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me as a friend, with you making your own way in life and in love.

I have trouble understanding you: one minute you're happy, then your not... life is always full of ups and downs, but despite your hard time you have so much going for you.... only you can determine the life you lead, and you have limitless opportunities..

When we first met I admired your spirit and maturity: I am the 40 year old guy who is still not brave enough to tell my business partner that I'm a poofter, I'm the 40 year old chasing younger men, I'm the 40 year old man who won't open up.

You're so much more balanced than me: I am not the person to advise you, but sometimes even fools can see a solution the wise have missed: just be yourself, don't deny your needs.... you keep saying you don't want a man: I think you do .... I think you're as desperate as me, it's just that you've had bad experiences that make it harder for you...

In the last few months I know you have had a hard time, some of it because of me.

Just relax.... I believe in fate.

I believe a good person will find another good person: the greatest thing we can find is personal happiness, which has little to do with possessions or wealth or good looks or drugs or booze .... its about comfort with yourrself, and your much further progressed along this line than me...

I can offer friendship, but you have to make your own way, with help from friends, sure, but its up to you...

I don't like talking about sex, about what I did with this or that man: I think just as whether I'm straight or gay is a private thing between me and the other person..

I talked with Greg for a long time, knowing what I wanted of course, but if I'd discovered a dickhead in a sexy body I WOULD have moved on.... but he's an interesting man and I hope to see more of him... by the way he said he's never done anything with Olivier!

I don't like one night stand either, but meeting a nice guy and ingnoring him just makes me sad for you.... sure you might not meet again, BUT YOU MIGHT: who knows what the future holds??

I am off to Bali this afternoon, not sure when I will email again, but live life, work hard, (work is really a poitive thing when life is not so good I think, its a touch-stone for everyone to keep their lives on track).

So enough from me, the middle aged (maybe older), single, desperate, gay man: live your own life your own way, BUT I think life will be easier and happy if you trust people to share it with you....

Be good to yourself.....

Till then, will be with you here again pretty soon....