I hope you still enjoy reading ‘single life’ as much as I enjoyed writing it. As I putting the words into this page, I can’t help reflecting on some of the dating disaster that inspired me to create myself and my Mr. Wrong. Yep, I’ve kissed more than my fair share of thing of frogs and toads…
However, I recently become attached to my own Mr. Right, the lovely Bryan. After a wonderful whirlwind romance, gorgeous, kind, generous Bryan proposed to me on a balcony at Genting Resort. His proposal took me by surprise but I didn’t have to think long before I answered. My entire body was shaking with excitement as I told him ‘yes.’ Three weeks on, I still can’t stop smiling.
So at last it happened, at mid forty, I got my happy ending. Trust me I am not going to take it for granted. Not when I got here the hard way! Anyway, over the course of my four-years-long sojourn in dating hell, here are the things I wish I’d caught onto several years ago. If you’re struggling with a heartache of your own right now, maybe some of these thoughts will help you get to your own happy ending a little sooner.
What do you want out of life? Ask yourself what you really want and allowed yourself to go for it. If you want to travel the world and have a boy in every port, you’ll find plenty of boys keen to oblige you. But if you want a happy ever after that involves a long-term relationship and maybe commitment and dog/cat, admit that to yourself and promise you’ll only take steps in that direction, which means turning down that date with your married boss, pulling the plug on the internet romance that never get the right candidate or breaking up with the guy who will only spend a Saturday night with you if all the boys have got swine flu. Only date available men. It’s the most effective way to save yourself trouble.
If commitment is important to you, then it follow that when a man say he doesn’t want a commitment you have to believe him. Really, you must. If the man you adore has ever uttered the words “I am not ready.” Don’t even think about waiting until he is. If he says “I need some space.” You must give him some. Don’t bother trying to change his mind. It’s a fact of life that the more you try to persuade the average man of the sense of something, the harder he will resist it. He’s given you a clear indication of his state of mind. If you walk away you will minimize the damage to your self-esteem. Don’t worry about quitting too soon. If he decides he does want to be commitment to you after all, he will definitely pick up the phone.
Learn what commitment looks like. Romance is not the same as commitment. He may have taken you on a romantic mini-break but, trust me he probably wasn’t thinking how nice it would be to go back to that hotel for your honeymoon. It’s easy to do romance without commitment. Commitment is an agreeing to go to your grandmother’s birthday party or in asking you to meet his parents. It’s in checking the pressure in your tyres before you head off on a journey and in making you a Lemsip when you’re ill. It’s making plans beyond next weekend. As a handy rule of thumb, if you’re nervous about raising the subject of Christmas then you are on to a loser. One boy I dated on and off for almost six months let me know his plan for Christmas three days before the event, then I dumped him just after Christmas. My boyfriend and I were talking about Christmas trees in May.
If you’re dating someone you think of as a ‘stopgap’ while you wait to meet someone better, than for goodness’ sake throw him back into the dating pool! You may be hogging someone else’s Mr. Right. And while you’re dating Mr. Almost There, your own Mr. Right may be holding back from approaching you because he’s too decent to steal another guy’s boy.
Pick the nice guy. Hormones play funny tricks on us. When you’re not swinging the chandeliers ask yourself: If I hadn’t picked him as lover, would I have him as a friend? Is he nice to waiter? Does he rev his engine impatiently when an old man is crossing the road? He may be impressive on paper, but am I impressed by the way he treats his mum? Kind, loving and honest beats rich, handsome and drives a Porsche every time. Though kind, loving, honest, handsome and rich is just dandy…
Till then, again, it's going to be a beautiful sunny morning and before to late, I guess, it's time for me to get a nice sun and laps at the pool..... Have a lovely weekend and be safe and play safe.....
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