Lessons for life.......

I learned my lessons and will applied them (at least from today) hoping that my life will took off to an antirely different direction. I no longer need to do things to prove myself worthy of being loved. I was no longer afraid to ask for what I wanted for fear that I wouldn't get it.

I was no longer angry when things didn't go my way, most important, I was no longer angry about what I would not and did not have in a relationship.

In the meantime I learned how to mind my own business (your business mean yours) I am learning about minding my own business - The business of loving myself and being excited about me. I learned how to fit on my own as well to fit myself when I am around peoples or around you....

Relationship are not contained. What you are going through in the name of love, for the sake of love, will show up in every other area of our life. I cannot tune out the channel of my brain or my heart as if they were channel on a TV where the program on channel Nine and Seven has nothing to do with channel ABC.

The various channels of our lives are intertwined and interdependent. Let me speak for myself - mine are!

The same confussion I had about loving my him showed up in my career. It effected all my relationships with men. In much the same manner I had him and lost him. I had jobs and lost them.

I spent eighty thousand dollar to get me master digree, only discover that I didn't used it.

The interference from my relationship channel was creating static on every other channel of my life. Even from a distance my love counselor was teaching me lessons about myself, and I had to figure out how to apply those lessons to my entire life...

I have to work very hard to become awere of myself and to accept for all and everything that I am. I must admit to you that is was not easy work (I has been doing the thinking last night)

It going to be painful and very frightening. Reflection, evaliation, and unlearning require a willingness to do tha grunge work. I have to sit through and discard many of my beliefs and idea about myself and love.

In another hand, I had to change the picture. It was like cleaning the house, trying to indentify things that were dusty or broken, throwing out things I didn't need anymore.

What the heck is this? I had placed so many conditions on loving and being loved. It was like going through the dresser drawers and closets of my mind. I have to throw away those things which have sentimental value but no longer practical. I HAVE TO ADMIT SOMETHINGS SIMPLY DID NOT FIT, AND WOULD NEVER FIT AGAIN. Like the laundry, I have let the old hurts and fears pile up, and the pile was over-whelming.

Slowly, methodically, I had to clean my heart to prepare myself for true love (if that will happen) I meantime, I had to plow through the mess (the mess I had made) It was huge mess.

Till then, wish you'll the best weekend and don't do something that I won't.....

Is 'fate' ever come....?

James, James, James .... what do I say to you?

I WAS angry on Saturday night....

I told you I thought Greg was sexy, and you said NO, lots nicer men about... and then I found you kissing him!

But that's me being selfish: what I was most upset about was your unhappiness...

I want you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me as a friend, with you making your own way in life and in love.

I have trouble understanding you: one minute you're happy, then your not... life is always full of ups and downs, but despite your hard time you have so much going for you.... only you can determine the life you lead, and you have limitless opportunities..

When we first met I admired your spirit and maturity: I am the 40 year old guy who is still not brave enough to tell my business partner that I'm a poofter, I'm the 40 year old chasing younger men, I'm the 40 year old man who won't open up.

You're so much more balanced than me: I am not the person to advise you, but sometimes even fools can see a solution the wise have missed: just be yourself, don't deny your needs.... you keep saying you don't want a man: I think you do .... I think you're as desperate as me, it's just that you've had bad experiences that make it harder for you...

In the last few months I know you have had a hard time, some of it because of me.

Just relax.... I believe in fate.

I believe a good person will find another good person: the greatest thing we can find is personal happiness, which has little to do with possessions or wealth or good looks or drugs or booze .... its about comfort with yourrself, and your much further progressed along this line than me...

I can offer friendship, but you have to make your own way, with help from friends, sure, but its up to you...

I don't like talking about sex, about what I did with this or that man: I think just as whether I'm straight or gay is a private thing between me and the other person..

I talked with Greg for a long time, knowing what I wanted of course, but if I'd discovered a dickhead in a sexy body I WOULD have moved on.... but he's an interesting man and I hope to see more of him... by the way he said he's never done anything with Olivier!

I don't like one night stand either, but meeting a nice guy and ingnoring him just makes me sad for you.... sure you might not meet again, BUT YOU MIGHT: who knows what the future holds??

I am off to Bali this afternoon, not sure when I will email again, but live life, work hard, (work is really a poitive thing when life is not so good I think, its a touch-stone for everyone to keep their lives on track).

So enough from me, the middle aged (maybe older), single, desperate, gay man: live your own life your own way, BUT I think life will be easier and happy if you trust people to share it with you....

Be good to yourself.....

Till then, will be with you here again pretty soon....

Half year almost gone - see what we got here......

Yes, it's that time of the year already, time for my much - anticipated annual letter! My only chance to share all my happy moments from the past five months, and a few sad one, too, because as that famous old song goes:

"Sunrise, sunset...
Quickly go the years
each one following another
filled up with happy stuff and tears..."

Or something likes that. I've never been very good with song lyrics. (I only recently found out that Steely Dan wrote a song called "Rikky don't lose that number" for years I've been singing "Vicky don't lose that number." You only imagine my embrasement....!!! hahahaha...)

Well, anyway, here we are at the first five months of the 2010 and two months after my birthday! So much news, and let me start with my work. So far I am very happy with my work. Those guys at work were just fantastic!, we could make the best teams as well the best drinking buddy. I am settled, am pretty happy with my hours, working four days a week, as you knew that I hate working seven days a week, which is suck!

This mean I could enjoy more! And that meant I could have more out-door activities, more sun at the pool, more alcohol and more sex if I am lucky ......

As for my writing, I've got a ton of idea at the moments, I am thinking of writing my very first novel called "My Journal" Which I am stuck at some point because I had lose the plot, but, hey, with a title like that, it's sell itself.

They also my idea about reality TV show called "Mr Right - for gay man" and Ian Robert will be the host. I haven't approached a producer or financier or Ian Robert, but I am at a very exciting creative stage, know in television terminology as "development."

Health wise - I've had a few ups and downs this year. As many of you know. My "heart attact bluess' shock me to death, syndrome last month had really put me down. Thanks God, nothing bad had happend. So, I am pretty much in a good health.

As for my love life - Let me tell you something, it's was an amazing to know that astrology star signs sometimes could be right! (I like to read my star sign every day, but that it, never believed in it, but this one is for real!)

My Cosmopolition astrology for single pisceian (this month issue) had worn me about my love life for this year, but as I am ready to meet new people, I just ignore it as usual. "For single piscesian : Be careful not to look at love through Neptune's rose - coloured glasses this year or you could make some major romantic mistakes. A guy you meet this month is super-sweet, but that's not enough for the long haul. And this coming month, wise up fast to a bad boy - he's just a heartbreak waiting to happen...."

It was bloody right, right to my heart.... and I am broken heart, because those two heartbreakers.......

Lesson number one, don't trust a men...... as my late mother always says: "George, be careful when you sit/stand next to a good looking men, they're very dangerous spices on earth..." Yes, you right mum!

You Know, I was much open when I was younger and then I get hurt along the way. I become a bit more protective, particularly with a good looking men. Because I want to protect who I am as much as possible. I feel that's better for me, for my own good rather then hurting myself again. Just because the boy says "I love you George."

Of course I told my friends that I am still out there, and available if anyone's interested, and I still adores the male species. I feel compassionately toward them. But there's no decent mans out there. It seems harder and harder to make contact, especially for mature ugly men like me.....

I've studied them carefully like a hunter watches its prey.... Most of the male spesies out there either bunch of idiot or bunch of wanker......

Lesson number two, don't go to bed with them on first night, let them begging you and tell them that you were busy and let them to wait.....!

I am pretty much happy now, let me tell you something, a bit too early but I've found someone, not my "Mr. Right" material, but "Mr Right Now" so far we've had develop good relationship, we enjoying each other company, the sex were bloody good, what else this poor old men asking for?

As we always says "life's too short to waste it, just enjoying what you get, don't think too much of tomorrow, think of what happen today and what make you happy today!" Bloody men eh!

Certainly, this has been a wonderful start for the year for me, but I should stop and spare a thought for the less fortunate around the world. I am sure most of us have been quite shaken by the terrible natural disaster that have stuck our planet over the past 36 months - tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes.

Hey, if I was even the tiniest bit of religious person. I would suggest that GOD is angry with the world and with us, punishing us for our sins because most of us become unkind to each others, for behold.

The GOD will come with fire and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, so let everyone fly out sodom. Go, go escape, and look not behind you let you be consumed by the wrath and fierceness of the almighty.

But then again, it's probably just nature, I suprosed. I didn't know, it's very weird.

Anyway, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone:

More drinks my friend........cheers.....

More sex my friend....... good luck.....

More sun my friend...... enjoy........

Of course more foods my friend......... be carefull, don't eat too much, I am not impress when I see next time with all those belly gut!

Hey, enjoy and make sure if you have sex with a stranger, be safe and be safe........

Much love from me, and as that famous old song goes:

"Should ol accquintance be forgot
and never come to mind
we'll share a glass or two my dear
for the shake of olden times....."

or someting like that.......

Hey, I wish you the best of luck and I hope in the next six months will bring you more happiness and luck ( keep trying my friend, keep trying and don't given up!)

And thank you very much for sharing with me, and still here reading my 'single life.'

Till then, hope you enjoy and happy with what we had.....

My Male Box - straight man, gay man, and woman

I am not a big fan of Sci-fiction but Superman is an interesting character, the strongest, toughest guy on the planet…. Except for the Kryptonite of course.

In any relationship, no matter how strong things seem, at random times we find ourselves wondering whether – as with Clark Kent and Lois Lane – we’re run into our own version of Lex Luther.

Most guys can accept that they will never drive like Jansen Botton, that they will never be rich like Bill Gates, that they are good looking like Ananda Everingham and that they will never be as smart as Stephen Hawking.

And yet against all of this, most guys still believe that Miss Universe would be interested in them if they were to meet, that they could talk their way to becoming the next prime minister (well okey, only a few crave this) if possibly get a call from Alex Ferguson to take a run an old Trafford next season.

And that’s what drives this fear of commitment for us men – the risk that any decision today might stop our rise to stardom, wealth, fame or dating a supermodel tomorrow.

Straight man's brains are wired completely different to ours. And the commitment issue is symptomatic of a deeper cause.

Many of the most attractive, smart women that I’ve met- not just in Australia, New Zealand, but throughout Asia, and England – are confident in their workplace and in the company of their friends, or at least have a façade of complete confidence in life.

But in reality, women’s seem so much more fragile when it comes to relationships. And the façade especially is most frail when they are alone. In getting to know them, woman feel that they aren’t good looking enough, aren’t attractive , aren’t smart enough, aren’t sure if they are too clingy or not clingy enough and wonder whether they are too jealous or sometimes wonder whether they should be.

The insecurities, incidentally, almost always seem to be an inverse relationship to reality in which they feel so insecure and lack so much confidence that it destroys the thousands of perfect parts that should be the reason why they should be confident. And the insecurity is what drives them to look so hard for a man who will commit and relieve that underlying fear that everything, while perfect today, will fail apart tomorrow.

Vulnerability and the slight feeling of insecurity for most men, is our Kryptonite. And for most women our fears of commitment are theirs.

So what is the art of a good relationship other than watching re-runs of the adventures of Lois and Clark? For us guys, I guess we need to stop waiting for Miss Universe, or in our case, we have to stop with Mr. Right Now.

And for the woman, they need to believe that we’ve stopped waiting….

And for me, I personally had given up of waiting……

Until then, catch you next week

How to know if he is the right one? learn from the mistake....

I hope you still enjoy reading ‘single life’ as much as I enjoyed writing it. As I putting the words into this page, I can’t help reflecting on some of the dating disaster that inspired me to create myself and my Mr. Wrong. Yep, I’ve kissed more than my fair share of thing of frogs and toads…

However, I recently become attached to my own Mr. Right, the lovely Bryan. After a wonderful whirlwind romance, gorgeous, kind, generous Bryan proposed to me on a balcony at Genting Resort. His proposal took me by surprise but I didn’t have to think long before I answered. My entire body was shaking with excitement as I told him ‘yes.’ Three weeks on, I still can’t stop smiling.

So at last it happened, at mid forty, I got my happy ending. Trust me I am not going to take it for granted. Not when I got here the hard way! Anyway, over the course of my four-years-long sojourn in dating hell, here are the things I wish I’d caught onto several years ago. If you’re struggling with a heartache of your own right now, maybe some of these thoughts will help you get to your own happy ending a little sooner.

What do you want out of life? Ask yourself what you really want and allowed yourself to go for it. If you want to travel the world and have a boy in every port, you’ll find plenty of boys keen to oblige you. But if you want a happy ever after that involves a long-term relationship and maybe commitment and dog/cat, admit that to yourself and promise you’ll only take steps in that direction, which means turning down that date with your married boss, pulling the plug on the internet romance that never get the right candidate or breaking up with the guy who will only spend a Saturday night with you if all the boys have got swine flu. Only date available men. It’s the most effective way to save yourself trouble.

If commitment is important to you, then it follow that when a man say he doesn’t want a commitment you have to believe him. Really, you must. If the man you adore has ever uttered the words “I am not ready.” Don’t even think about waiting until he is. If he says “I need some space.” You must give him some. Don’t bother trying to change his mind. It’s a fact of life that the more you try to persuade the average man of the sense of something, the harder he will resist it. He’s given you a clear indication of his state of mind. If you walk away you will minimize the damage to your self-esteem. Don’t worry about quitting too soon. If he decides he does want to be commitment to you after all, he will definitely pick up the phone.

Learn what commitment looks like. Romance is not the same as commitment. He may have taken you on a romantic mini-break but, trust me he probably wasn’t thinking how nice it would be to go back to that hotel for your honeymoon. It’s easy to do romance without commitment. Commitment is an agreeing to go to your grandmother’s birthday party or in asking you to meet his parents. It’s in checking the pressure in your tyres before you head off on a journey and in making you a Lemsip when you’re ill. It’s making plans beyond next weekend. As a handy rule of thumb, if you’re nervous about raising the subject of Christmas then you are on to a loser. One boy I dated on and off for almost six months let me know his plan for Christmas three days before the event, then I dumped him just after Christmas. My boyfriend and I were talking about Christmas trees in May.

If you’re dating someone you think of as a ‘stopgap’ while you wait to meet someone better, than for goodness’ sake throw him back into the dating pool! You may be hogging someone else’s Mr. Right. And while you’re dating Mr. Almost There, your own Mr. Right may be holding back from approaching you because he’s too decent to steal another guy’s boy.

Pick the nice guy. Hormones play funny tricks on us. When you’re not swinging the chandeliers ask yourself: If I hadn’t picked him as lover, would I have him as a friend? Is he nice to waiter? Does he rev his engine impatiently when an old man is crossing the road? He may be impressive on paper, but am I impressed by the way he treats his mum? Kind, loving and honest beats rich, handsome and drives a Porsche every time. Though kind, loving, honest, handsome and rich is just dandy…

Till then, again, it's going to be a beautiful sunny morning and before to late, I guess, it's time for me to get a nice sun and laps at the pool..... Have a lovely weekend and be safe and play safe.....

Is coming out redundant.....?

I knew this news is not a new anymore but peoples still talk about it... And for sure I am not the only person that not surprised with the 'surprised and shocking' news how our gorgeous Ricky Martin 'coming out.' My gaydar told me for the very first time I saw his vedio-clip, and honestly speaking, my gaydar hardy go wrong, it might took awhile to discover but the truth always come out....

Yes, Our dear latin pop star Ricky Martin's recent announcement that he is a "fortunate homosexual man" came as a surprise to few, and, in fact, provided a celebratory "I knew it!" moment for the sizable swath of humanity that revels in sexuality speculation.

There have, it seems, always been celebrities - or friends or co-workers, or aunts or uncles - that we know, in our heart of hearts, are gay or lesbian. They just refuse to admit it, fuelling our curiosity with a stubbornness grounded in fear of being discriminated against or damaging an established career.

But research shows that people who remain in what's known as "the glass closet" are fooling only a small slice of the populace, and that human beings have a staggeringly good ability to judge which way a person swings.

"We've found that 'gaydar' has quite a bit, if not perfect, accuracy," said J Michael Bailey, a Northwestern University psychology professor who has researched people's ability to guess other people's sexuality.

"We've done studies where we've brought people into the lab, videotaped them describing the weather in Chicago, and then brought in other people to watch the video and judge them. And they're almost always right."

In a 2008 study, Bailey found that gay and straight people who viewed the videos correctly identified straight people 87 per cent of the time and correctly identified homosexual people 75 per cent of the time. The research, involving about 50 subjects and 50 raters, also found that gay and lesbian people don't have much of an advantage over straight people when it comes to guessing whether a person is gay or straight.

Many who judged Ricky Martin's sexuality certainly based their opinions on his behaviour as a performer, as well as other mannerisms they would see in interviews. Bailey agreed that most of those perceptions are based on stereotypes of gay men.

"Stereotypes are often at least partly based in truth," Bailey said. It reflects what we call gender non-conformity in gay and lesbian people. On average, gay men tend to be a bit feminine and lesbians a bit masculine. That's on average and not every case, of course. There are gay and lesbian interest patterns.

Certainly acting, dancing and singing are interests that are more common among gay men than straight men. Obviously not all actors and dancers who are male are gay, but there's a higher than average number of them that are.

In recent years, a number of celebrities long suspected of being gay have left the glass closet: Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass, as well as American Idol singer Clay Aiken. Harris and Bass cited intense Internet speculation about their sexuality as one of the reasons they decided to come out.

These revelations can only up the confidence Americans have in their gaydar, raising the stakes for others out there who have long been the subject of sexual-preference speculation. Tom Cruise. Richard Simmons. Anderson Cooper.

"People are just intrinsically interested in each other's private lives, including their sexuality," Bailey said.

"Particularly when they feel someone might be hiding something."

There's also a far greater acceptance of homosexuality, both in Hollywood and in mainstream culture in general. Which allows someone like Martin to leave the closet behind and state publicly: "I am very blessed to be who I am."

I am glad finally Martin decided to 'come out' from his closet. Perhaps I going to be more than happy if some of my dear friends accepted their sexuality and live their life with honest and happy..........

Til then, my dear friends, why are you hiding in the closet, time to accept what are we and be happy with our life.........

I am blessed...........

What your coffee says about you...

As I sip my second espresso for this morning, I had a laugh to what I read, my mind is flying somewhere. I thought to myself and smile to myself, kind of a crazy, the fact is, I try to figure it out why I drank so many cups of coffee lately.

I love latte but here in this city, they didn’t make a good latte, so I had espresso instead. No one can make a wrong espresso. So I change my coffee from milky latte to espresso and when am back to Melbourne, I change my espresso back to latte. I guess my preference change everytime I at difference city.

Yesterday, I found a book that catch my eye and force me to buy. A book call ‘the you code.’

What your choice of coffee tell about yourself. Here is the coffee test and how the coffee’s reveal about your personality.

Coffee snobs can find more than froth and sugar at the bottom of their cups - personality lives there as well, Lisa Martin explains.

While strolling out of a cafe on the way to work, that cup of coffee in your hand is actually emitting hidden meanings to passers-by.

I keep reading ‘The You Code,’ body language experts Judi James and James Moore decipher what our caffeine preferences reveal about our self esteem, stress levels and even sex life.

The espresso drinker: James and Moore describe the espresso as "the unfiltered cigarette of the coffee drinking world". Espresso drinkers tend to be moody, hard-bitten and hard working. They are into leadership and fast goals. They don't suffer fools but are hard living and prone to "night-time shenanigans, followed by a rather louche attempt at day time repair". The espresso drinker can be an experienced, exciting and consummate lover but is not known for reliability or unswerving loyalty.

The Black Cofee drinker: This type is all about minimalism and takes a no-frills, direct approach to life. The black coffee drinker can be quiet and moody but prone to brief bursts of extroversion. "A difficult but potentially rewarding friend, colleague or partner," James and Moore conclude.

The Latte drinker: Typically metrosexuals or cuddly-toy collectors, latte drinkers are pleasers with an overwhelming compulsion to be liked. A latte drinking boss will use a baby voice to tell you off. By taking a dark and dangerous drink and turning it into a comforting milky bedtime beverage, James and Moore say, latte drinkers reveal that while they may want to come across as hot shot contenders, they have an immature side.

The Cappucino drinker: What's not to like about the extroverted, optimistic cappuccino drinker? Like their drink, cappuccino drinkers are all froth and bubble, bored by detail and liking - but not obsessed with - material objects. "Freud would have a field day here," write James and Moore. "Cappuccino froth gives the tongue the mother of all workouts and is all to do with the physicality of the experience rather than the basic consumption of the beverage." The cappuccino drinker enjoys sex but is easily bored by an unimaginative partner.

The Instant Coffee drinker: These are cheerful, straight forward types, who like a laugh and live by the maxim "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". But instant coffee drinkers can be unadventurous in their careers and need to let others see the hidden depths in their personality. The no-nonsense instant coffee drinker is allergic to pretentious behaviour, say James and Moore, and they are likely to keep their socks on during sex.

The Decaf soy milk drinker: A self-righteous eco-worrier and attention seeker with a tendency to be picky, fussy - and squeamish in the bedroom. What's more, this faux choice implies a pretentious, high-maintenance type who wants what they can't have and is disguising their true personality. "If caffeine gives palpitations and cow's milk brings you out in spots there's little hope for you in the cockroach society that is city dwelling", James and Moore conclude.

The Frappucino drinker: Flighty and shallow, the frappucino drinker will try anything once - especially if a celebrity has done it first. They fancy themselves trend setters but send out the message that they are someone who favours style over substance. The frappucino drinker's relationships often last as long as their drink choice, according to James and Moore.

The Non-Coffee drinker: Unfortunately, the verdict isn't good. Frightened of coffee equals frightened of life, say James and Moore. If the taste of coffee puts you off you really are a child, they say, and it's time to join the world of grown ups. But there's hope.

"Twenty one days is all it will take to break your cycle of disgust and then you'll be back in the real world."

I wonder, which is the real me? And I guess you figure out what you are already by now eh! I personally like to meet up with ‘the frappucina drinker’ and I guess you knew why I choose that huh!

Till then, enjoy your coffee, and have a beautiful day..

LOVE - it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and...

Hey Gorgeous.....

You know, when I said I didn't not believed in love! Well, that wasn't true, I know alot about love. I've seen it, and I've had it for awhile till I took it back. I've seen and experiences for a centuries, and enjoyed it, and it was the only things that made watching your face and sadness bearable....

All those pain, lies and hate made me want to turn away from you and never look back again......

But to see the way that mankind loves, I mean, you could search the furthnest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.

So, yes, I know that love is unconditional.

But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and, well, strangely easy to mistake for loathing and, what I am trying to say here sweetie, is I think I love you, my heart, it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you, and if you wanted it. I'd wish for nothing in exchange, no gift, no good, no demontrations of devotion.

Nothing but knowing you love me, too. Just your heart in exchange for mine........

That all..... that all I could promised you.....

I remember the day you come to me, the day that I believed GOD has sent you to me, the day I looked into your eyes, the pain in your eyes and the beautiful eyes that almost faded because of the pain....

The day that for the first time I had open up my soul and trust for another human being, and the month that I almost given up about finding a love and a men in particular......

In that room with fresh crispy white sheet has changed my mind, the kissed, the beautiful kissed that you gave and the tenderness that you hold me, make me believed that you're the men that God has sent to me......

Watching you in pain make me felt more sad!!!

I has been there and felt the same at some point......

No body like to be alone at this time of painfull life.....

But I did understand if that what you wanted....

I will leave you alone for your 'healing' times....

I'll be here for awhile waiting for you, take your time (but not for toooooo long) and come back to me when 'it' ready.....

I wish you the best and hoping that you will find your way in dealing and 'healing'...... remember I am always here if you need it.... am just a call away....... will missed you for the time being........

Take a good care of yourself, and take it easy.........

Till then, hope you had a beautiful weekend, it's a sunny day... and time for my laps at the pool.....

After mid-night.....

Hey...............

Late at night

when everyone
is dreaming

I am lying
on bed,

just wondering

Looking at the stars
as they shine
and blink

They are
so beautiful,

it's
so amazing.........

I can feel
the coldness,
coming
from outside

Just like the way
I am feeling deep inside

I turned to look at you,
but you were not at my side

I wonder where were you.....

It make me ponder,
how happy you are

to live this life....

The last day...................

Till then, have a lovely weekend....

with love

The lost art of charm

It’s not about you. The ability to be charming might seem a confident and charismatic that to have and these are a part of it but by far the biggest component is the ability to make people feel good about themselves.

Look for the good in others. If you say woman have a bad rap for gossip but gay men can be just as bad.

There seems to be something inherently satisfying about putting someone else down. Satisfying maybe but charming will praise others instead of bad-mouthing them. If you are talking with someone or you are talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person.

Engage. Don’t be afraid of making eye contact when you first meet someone, give them a little smile (like mine) too, show some teeth. Go easy with this. Too much of a charming smile has the danger of turning into a psychopathic stare.

Learn how to take a complement. When someone praise you, chances are, they aren’t involved in a conspiracy to undermine you. Be effusive in accepting the complement. Go beyond a mere. ‘thank you’ and enjoin this with ‘I am glad you like it’ or ‘It is so kind of you to have noticed’ These are ’complement in return.’

Never laugh at your own jokes. A dry goes hand-in-hand with charm. Just don’t overdo it. The joke ought to stand alone. You don’t need to give it your own laugh track.

Yes, simply, it comes down to charm but charm isn’t something you can fake, it isn’t something – no matter how good that you pretend/acting on it- that you can pretend to be for any sustained length of time. Some people are genuinely charming, and no need to act on it. Because on the face of unreal or pretending we could spot the fake on it.

Be genuine and be real.

I had trouble with my charm. It’s hard to figure it out at first, but then I just realized that I am naturally had this beauty smiling face plus the look of confident. We don’t have to be a good looking or rich, but the confident in yourself will bring you up there.

I was in the mist of moving myself back Kuala Lumpur. And for sure I am not looking for any love, nor do I looking for a ‘date.’

There is Nick, met him at the bar on Tuesday night when I am about to go after my happy hour with my groups. End-up I am staying for another round. Nick’s the most charming and funny guy I’ve had ever met. He’s tall, with light blue eyes and tan skin (it could be fake tan), had own real-estate company. Surprisingly for thirty five years old, as handsome as Nick, he had never been in the relationships before. He told me that he only realized that he were more attracted to men when he was in early thirties.

He told me that he had been in few one night stand but he hate it, because at the end of the day, he felt more alone and empty. After I finished my beer, he told me that where he lived, it was just round the corner from me.

To cut it short, we had a few ‘date’ and night chat at my place. After a month of ‘date’ and getting to know each other, he made a confession and told me that he is madly in love with me. The "L" word come out just after five week we met, he told me that I am the first guy he really fallen in love and he meant it by showering me with a gift.

And here is Jimmy, his face was in every issue of the Tattler magazine, and sometime on TV commercial. Very straight kind of look, when I said very straight, yes, he looked very straight, and hard to believe that he’s a gay.

As early thirties, he’d only been in short relationships with couple of guys during university times. Because after he finished his master degree, he was too busy to find a time for man or relationship. As part-time commercials model plus full-time work with financial company make thing more difficult to find the time for man.

Met Jimmy at my friend Steven’s fortieth birthday party. He told me that I was the charmed for the night, very confident and couldn’t stop smiling all night. He introduces himself to me and we had a chat round the corner quietly.

After four ‘date’ and one visit to cinema, he told me that he’s been fallen in love with me since the first night he saw me at Steven’s. Last Saturday morning when we went for shopping and lunch he made confession of how much he loved me.

Come along was Samuel, a freelance writer the age of me. Met him at the writer conference and festival on the Easter weekend, it was my article at the gay newspaper that attracted him to me. He keeps telling me that what I wrote is so real and fresh and that were the charm.

He wanted to get to know me and what make me react in certain way in my style of writing. It was unusual from someone like me to be a watcher and wrote from what I saw around and get these idea from watching peoples or just when am debating some issue with friends. It give him fascinate.

Hardly going out for dinner ‘date’ with me, but we spend a lot of times together on Sunday brunch. After two months of ‘going out’ he finally gives me a big surprised with the declaration of love to me.

It was my natural smiling face with my confident look that gave me a trouble. I have to be nice and at the same time I have to be meant to them. Telling them that I am not ready for any relationships because I am in the middle of leaving the city and move to another city. It was the hardest job to do, explaining to them even harder especially when you look at these sad eyes.

Why love come when you not even look at. It’s always the case.

But then, am ready to have a relationship and my charm in not working here in this city. The strange city that at my age, they said I am an old bag, and what happened with my charm?

Peoples here thought with my honest charm were intimidating and scared them away. They didn’t like someone too confident and it will dominate the others. And am just learn that living in this city meant you can't be straight-forward (cos they can't handle it) and you have to be nice and say 'yes' even 'it' meant NO!

Well, that for now.

Can we still be friends with Mr.X?

When someone says, 'We're just a good friend.' You can be sure of one thing. The alleged friends are lover, ex-lover or bittersweet enemies.

Friends, as it traditionally defined, is not in the equation. You don't date your 'good friend' nor do you sleep with them. So how come we sometimes refer to past lover so fondly disregarding the fact it's not true?

Can you really be friends with your ex?

The expression 'good friend,'

My friends Billy explain: "Is like wearing a jumper tied around your waist. It draws attention to the very thing you're trying to conceal, your butt. Same goes for using the 'We're still good friend' break-up. You're trying to fool yourself into believing you can be completely grown up and civil about a break up. The fact is most of us can't be!"

When famous people split, they're always 'good friends' afterwards - Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, Prince Andrew and Fergie, Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger.

If they're such good friends, why aren't they still together?

My friend Daniel is the type of guy who going out parties with half of them is his "really good friends."

"If break-up is amicable then why can't you continue to be good friends" He says,

"I mean, part of the reason you got together was because you shared a great friendship."

"Why end it just because you realized you weren't mean for each other?"

Daniel is a rare master of the healthy break-up: he dates, ends it nicely and then manages to continue a purely platonic friendship. But if a normal friendship can get tricky and complicated, surely good friends who've slept together can become mega complicated?

When you date someone, you put yourself in an emotionally vulnerbale situation with major risk of being hurt.

So, if it does end and you pursue a friendship, things such as sexual tension, jealousy, and over protectiveness can prevent you enjoying a normal and supportive friendship.

"Once you cross the line and sleep with someone, you can't go back even if you started out as friends." Billy says.

You will never have a true friendship with your ex. Mostly because you're both still thinking underneath, 'why didn't you want me?' So if straight men think it's difficult to be friends with their exes, what do the gay guys think?

Daniel, who has attempted to hang on to a few friends as a 'good friends' as far more ambivalent about the situations.

I am sure it's possible to have an 'Elaine and Jerry from the Seinfield' type of friendship - two people who realized they were far better off gossiping about their relationship with other instead of being together, but it's never really that simple.

To me, personally, there's no such thing as a mutual break-up. There's always one person who is usually the heartbreaker, while the other hurts for longer.

I, who has been thrown an olive branch "Just be friends break-up" on numerous occasions is Adam a gay men can't, and should never be friends.

"I don't need anymore 'good friends,."

Why do I need an ex to string me on with a fake friendship?

I am sorry, but we, as a gay men are from different planets.

"Can we be a good friends?" Yeah right!...

So, my dear friends, let me know how many of you still put your exes in the 'good friends' list? share with me here, I love to hear some story....

Till then, it's hot outside, the heat really got into my skin, I guess, it's time for me to jump into the pool for few laps and cold me down.....

Have a lovely day.........

tears........

In my head, I knew what am doing was wrong. As I lay in bed, open-eyed in the dawn, feeling the length of his naked body next to me, it was warm despite the chill of the room. I enjoyed slept naked next to him, and now wondered how there was any other way.

Of course, I needed another body beside me; a body like his, hard with physical exercise, taut and lean, not an ounce of flab on him, and fiercely strong.

Yet he was so gentle with me. His hands with the tender pianist’s fingers had drawn whorls on my smooth dark skin the night before, his eyes shining in the soft light of the dim bulb.

With his hands on my skin, my body becomes like nothing I’d ever known before; a treasured thing made for being wrapped up with his and adored.

“You’re so beautiful. I wish this moment could go on forever.” He’d said in the low voice I loved. There wasn’t anything about him I didn’t love, really.

He was perfect.

And not me.

Our time was stolen: a few hours here and there, holding hands under the table at dinner, clinging together in the vast of my bed like shipwreck survivors on a raft. For those hours, he was mine, but I was only borrowing him.

The awfulness of separation rose up again inside me. It was a physical ache in the pit of my stomach.

He’ll wake soon. He’ll be gone by ten to catch his flight.

If I had been the one who had to leave the room first, I knew I simply couldn’t have done it. But he would. Duty drove him.

It was dark in the room and only the gleam of the alarm clock hands showed that it was morning. I nudged my way out of the bed and opened a silver of heavy curtain to let some grey dawn light in. It was raining outside; the sort of sleety cold rain that sank cruelly into the bones.

There were early morning noises coming from the street below. Door banging, horns sounding, traffic rambling. Ordinary life going on all around us, like worker ants slaving away in the colony, nobody aware of anybody else’s life. Nobody aware of mine.

He moved in the bed and I buried back into it, desperate to glean the last precious hour of our time together. If I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend it was night again and we still had some time.

But he was waking up, rubbing sleep from his eyes, rubbing his hands over his jaw with its darkening stubble.

Soon, he’s leaving.

I was crying when he moved hand against mine, his body heavy and warm.

“Don’t be sad.” He said, lowering his head and kissing the saltiness of my ears.

“I am not.” I said, crying more, “I mean, I don’t mean to. I‘ll miss you, I can’t bear it.”

“You have to, we both have to.”

I’d never known that love could be so joyous and so agonizing at the same time. Every caress took us closer to his leaving. Each time he touched me, I couldn’t block out the thought: Is this the last time he’ll ever do that? Will I ever see him again?

I could barely stop the tears. But I did, because I had to.

In the end, I lay silently in the bed watching him get ready. Just before he left, he sat beside me, pulled me close and kissed me as if I was oxygen he was breathing in.

My hands clung to his, one curved tightly around his neck, the other cradling his skull. We kissed with our eyes closed so we’ll never forget.

“I have to go. I love you.”

I couldn’t speak in case I cried again.

“Goodbye.”

He didn’t look back.

As I lay back in bed, the bed still warm with the imprint of his body, and wondered if I would ever see him again.

Till then, it gave me the tears everytimes I saw him leave the room, my room.....

while you a sleep.........

Hey gorgeous.....

By watching you, I could see the love in your eyes
the love for a person who doesn't love you in return...

By watching you sleep, I could see the sparkle in your eyes
a sparkle of fascination to HIM only condemnation

By watching you, I could see the need in your eyes
the need to be loved a need never granted

By watching you a wake, I could see the pain in your eyes
the pain of having loved and not loved in return

Till then......

To all my special friends - and you know who you are.....

To the special people in my life.

Here it goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrong doing on your part or an inconvenienttime, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done.They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it!

It is real!

But...only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life. May your God hold you in the palm of his hand and Angels watch over you.

Keeps smiling, be happy, be true, and be yourself.

Till then, have a lovely weekend and be safe, will all my love

Men indulge their wildest retail desires as avidly as women, they just word it differently..........

If you want to reduce the average bloke to wordless stupefaction, just tell him that Giorgio Armani makes a handbag that costs $18,000. Actually, you don't even have to go that far - tell him that many handbags cost upward of $2,000 and watch him go bug-eyed and stammer "But it's ... a bag!"

And despite all the recent waffle about metrosexuals, most blokes are mystified as to how a woman can justify spending $250 at the hairdressers and what the hell goes on when you get a "facial", let alone how it can cost over $800.

Most of us would have our womenfolk believe that these luxuries are insanity itself and that we sensible males would never indulge in such frou frou silliness. Except, as usual, we're kidding ourselves. We like our luxuries too; we just don't recognise them as such. We simply pretend they are essentials (much as women do).

Examining my conscience on this matter recently, I was about to piously absolve myself of the sin of luxuria. Then I remembered my Sami hunting knife from Lapland. You see, when I was a kid the father of a family we went camping with had this cool knife he'd bought in Sweden; hand-forged steel blade, handle made of polished knotty birch and reindeer bone and a reindeer antler sheath decorated with geometric scrimshaw. It was beautiful. So, last year when on a short-trip to Hong Kong, I walked into a Scandinavian crafts shop and walked out with one of my own. Cost? $450. For a knife. That I will never use as anything other than an ornament. Luxury? I think so.

Poke most guys hard enough and they will admit to similar indulgent purchases, usually with attendant excuses: I usually plead a combination of jet lag and a near fatal hangover to justify my Lappish knife purchase, for example. But there are other luxuries to which we're totally blind, so convinced are we that they're vital items.

Take motorbikes for example. Virtually no bloke I know would admit that their bike is a luxury, but who are they really kidding? Motorbikes simply aren't a practical form of transportation, due to their total absence of a roof. And even the most deluded guy has to admit they are closely associated with some very silly activities, like doing donuts in the mud, jumping over buses and manufacturing and selling methamphetamines up the length of the eastern seaboard.

These toys cost a wee fortune and if even a fraction of the trendy guys wearing Deus t-shirts actually own one of that company's cool-but-eye-wateringly-costly custom bikes, there are a lot of shiny, expensive toys sitting in garages for most of the week doing not much.

Even some of our smaller toys are fairly ludicrous indulgences. Like a lot of Aussie blokes, I love fishing. A keen fisherman won't think twice about forking over a wad of cash for, say, a brushed titanium and aluminium alloy reel with depleted uranium bearings manufactured inside a mountain in Japan in a hermetic clean-room facility run by aliens. Then we'll put it in our fishing bags and take it out to catch a fish ... maybe, twice a year.

The list of "essential" blokey luxuries goes on. My mates and I are happy to buy single malt whiskies and Cuban cigars or bottles of wine from Bordeaux rather than the Barossa. And blokes who baulk at the cost of their wife's day at a spa shamelessly salivate at the sight of a framed rugby jersey or cricket bat signed by boofheads.

Even basic bloke purchases are beginning to see "luxury creep". Many a man who used to kick it old school with a $15 haircut from a barber now pays a hairdresser $120 - and then drops another $35 on the way out for "styling putty" without questioning his sexual preference in the process. His shirts will be two-ply cotton with French cuffs and may even be made-to-measure and he now knows that women like classy (expensive) shoes. Even the boofiest of us are becoming self-indulgers.

So lads, next time your missus startles you and/or your credit card with one of her fluffy, frivolous luxuries, look to yourself. We may pamper ourselves in different ways, but you can't tell me a bottle of Talisker whisky knocked off with a few mates over a poker game is less indulgent that a pedicure. Whatever that is.

It’s me, George who does not yet own a car or motorbike.

Till then, keep up a good job and have a beautiful sunny day....

Online 'date' - don't expect too much -

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