Friends with an ex? What's the point?

They say one should live one's life with no regrets. Yet, while most of us try to do so, a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that one regret stands out more than others.

When 370 adult Americans were asked to report on one salient regret in life, the most common one was related to - you guessed it - a past relationship. (This came above regretting facets of one's career, finances)

Intrigued as to how many people really regret their past relationships, I spent the weekend investigating and discovered that, even though failed relationships abound, many people still remain firm friends with their exes.

Perhaps these days it's unavoidable, especially considering the current generation, dating more, committing less and Facebook connects us with our exes from two to 20 years ago. Perhaps it's sufficient to say that exes are more prevalent in our lives than ever before - whether we like it or not.

But is it really healthy for one to remain friends with an ex after ending a relationship?

When it's over, should it be over emotionally as well as physically?

Pop singer Adele, who penned an entire album about taking revenge on her ex, has recently gone against everything she preaches in her lyrics and has let her ex back into her life.

'We're becoming friends again,' she told Spinner magazine, much to the horror of the millions of women whom she empowered through their own break-ups. 'I know what I'm doing,' she added.

'Enough time has gone by now.'

Say what!? Didn't her album, 21, which sold more than 10 million copies, act as a go-girl mantra, telling all women that they should strive to get over the dude who broke their hearts and never to speak to him again?

And now she's reneging on her message and doing what she's told women never to do – be mates with their exes?

It doesn't make sense. But it's not that rare either. Just the other day, Charlie Sheen was spotted out for dinner with his ex Denise Richards.

Elle Macpherson was photographed with her ex Tim Jeffries.

And Elizabeth Hurley, who is making headlines for her hasty engagement to Shane Warne, (apparently he makes her 'happy'), has remained friends with quite a few of her exes.

In an interview with the Daily Mail newspaper recently, Hurley said that Arun Nayer (her latest ex) is still her best friend. She also claims that she, Nayer and her other ex, Hugh Grant, all go on holiday together.

And the most startling revelation of them all: Warney and Grant now play golf together. Hmm.

In an unofficial survey carried out by moi, it seems the jury is out on whether one should hang out with an ex or not. Some reckon it can't be done without resulting in a cat fight. Others say they swear by it. ('My exes keep me sane!' said one.)

Another said she doesn't speak to her ex at all because it only sets her back and brings about too much pain.

Needless to say, everyone seems to have an opinion on how one should handle a past love.

Ah, the ex. The very word goes straight to the jugular, reeking of awkward moments, mixed memories, bitterness, resentment, anger, guilt and longing. So why does an ex continue to have such an impact over their previous partner's life?

Is it because we haven't - as Adele says so eloquently - met someone better than them yet? Or do they simply remind us of a time in our lives when we felt happy, part of a twosome, wanted, adored, never lonely and never bored?

These days, considering we're dating for longer and are racking up a lengthy list of exes, it almost seems that not being friends with an ex would cut out half of our social circle. Not to mention the fact that, if we work together, go to the same gym, share the same psychologist or landlord or favourite coffee shop, not remaining friends with this person is not something we even get to choose.

For me, being friends with an ex is fine, but it needs to have a use-by-date. Be friends until one or both of you gets serious with someone else. To me, it would be a little awkward seeing my new date giggling over mojitos with someone he's previously been sexually intimate with ... And so I hope to give him the same respect by not being too matey with any of my exes either.

But what do I know?

I’ll says that to be friends with an ex is a pointless endeavour and once a relationship is over, it should be over for good.

There's lots of people out there who think being friends with your ex is possible. I'm, however, not one of these types. Instead, I think trying to be friends with your ex is a very difficult task at the best of times and it's generally better to stay well clear of this sort of relationship. For starters, break-ups can be messy, and often there are unresolved feelings and hurts that make an ongoing close friendship impossible. It also makes it really hard for either of you to move forward, and be available to meet a new love interest.

You can't share personal things with them like you used to, nor can you spend the same sort of time socialising with their family and friends. Not to mention the problems that can occur with mixed messages, the possibility of ex-sex and of holding on to hope of rekindling the fire.

My advice - find someone else to be friends with and let both of you move on.

Talking about regrets, there's a saying:

Mistakes are sometimes the best memories. And when it comes to exes, past relationships, heartache, lost loves - whatever - sometimes even though you made mistakes, if you can turn around and say you had a heck of a lot of fun at the time, then it might, just maybe, have all been worth it ...

Till then, sweetie. Am not again you meeting up with your ex on the weekend, perhaps, inviting me to be the third person while you holidaying with your ex is not in my agenda.... I bet you two had a great time ‘catching up’ the lost...