Don'f go breaking my heart

We take a look at different types of break ups and how to deal with them.

There are tons of reasons under the sun why couples break up and however it happens, it is never an easy occasion as it can be extremely painful depending on the circumstances. The end of a relationship means the beginning of a period of mourning and healing for both people.

The time it takes for a person to recover from it also varies, depending on the type of break up that a person experiences. Therefore, understanding them is vital for protecting your relationship from them.

We look at a few different ways that couples may break up.

The first love break up
This is one of the toughest break ups to have to deal with and is usually surrounded with extreme pain and disappointment. This isn’t just any old break-up; this is the boy who taught you what it means to fall in love. It is especially hard because it is usually with someone you thought you would eventually settled down with and the person who showed you what falling in love feels like.

This break up teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, bills to pay, and there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.

Out of nowhere break up
This type of break up is known as the blindside and is usually harder for only one person in the relationship as it comes out sudden for the other half. Usually, when a break up is on the horizon, we have some indication that things aren't working out well. Someone will start pulling away or acting a little differently. You have no idea that the break up is coming until that person sits you down and tells you that they're leaving or that it is over.

Sadly, this type of break up can wear away a person’s ability to trust. This is because they feel if someone can initiate a breakup with them when things appear to be going so well, then that person that is dumped will usually have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting new partners.

The mutual break up
This is as peaceful a break up as you can have, where both partners agree mutually to terminate the relationship. It’s usually when all feelings have died down or when one partner undergoes a major life change, such as a new job far away and can’t seem to stay in a long distance relationship. This sounds like the least painful break up but most people still feel a sense of loss.

If the break up was mutual, both people will experience a period of adjustment where they are getting used to no longer being together. Even if the couple is no longer in love with one another, they will still find that they miss each other greatly.

The circumstantial break up
This is similar to the mutual break up and it usually happens between couples when certain circumstances won’t allow for the relationship to continue.

The recovery for this type of break up is usually easier and shorter as the person who ended it usually offers a decent and reasonable excuse which takes the focus off the possibility that the other person may have unattractive qualities or weaknesses. Or, the person who ended it can blame the break up on something else, for example living too far apart.

He left you
This is usually a very painful break up to experience, especially if you have strong feelings for him. This will also leave you in shock as you'll have no time to prepare.

He usually has his valid reasons for ending the relationship and depending on what they are, it will depend on the pain that the other person experiences. If he has left you for another guy, the feelings of betrayal and hurt will be deep and a person is often left wondering what is wrong with you. However, if it is because he can’t see it lasting, for various reason, it can be easier to deal with and eventually you'll be able to move on.

You left him
When this break up occurs, you have usually had time to think about it for a while and work out what isn’t right about the relationship. You may be unsure about the two of you in terms of compatibility; that you have different aims or goals in life. You also constantly argue or feel that he isn’t really the person that you thought he was or want to spend your time with. It could also be that you have met someone else.

Whatever the reason, you are usually left feeling terrible for hurting the other person. The most important thing is that you know what you want. If you weren’t completely sure, leave it a while and gather your thoughts. Do you want him back just because you miss having a boyfriend or do you actually miss him? Just remember that many people regret break ups right after and usually it’s just a phase.

The ultimatum
Ultimatums can arise for many reasons, for example, asking someone to stop a bad habit. But the most common usually comes down to wanting your other half to make a change, or you're done. Many of us have this vision of how our relationship should look and with that vision, we create defined expectations of our partners sharing that same picture perfect image. So when we make that discovery that important aspects of our current lives are not parallel to our vision, we may decide to deliver an ultimatum to get what we want.

Ultimatums are ultimately created out of insecurity, fear, anger and frustration. All negative emotions and an ultimatum will only have the receiver reacting with defense.
Ultimatum break ups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it can be quite a relief.

Someone’s cheating
Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating.

The abusive relationship break up
Being with an abusive partner is a definite sign that it is time to end things and go your separate ways. While this is a necessary break up, it can often be harder or more painful to walk away from than a normal relationship. This can be hard for friends or family to understand why you miss the person or why you found it so hard to walk away from.

What they don’t understand is that the people who is being abusive wants control, and will usually wear the other person down so that they feel that they won’t be able to cope on their own. The person who has been abused will also be made to feel that they are useless, insignificant, and worthless, and that nobody else will want them so they might as well stay on with their abuser. They become very insecure and unsure of themselves and their decisions.

Discussing your feelings with a therapist or getting anger management might be a good step. Also, stay out of relationships until you recover.

Till then..