What Single man need to know

Most of the time the single people amongst us have no clue as to what's going on inside the head of other single people.

Thankfully, there are plenty of science-y types out there searching for the answers for us.

This week I've come across plenty of super helpful survey-based information on what men and gay-men think about dating. And we all know how reliable some of these types of studies can be.

So what are the questions singles want answered?

How about, who pays after a dinner date?

Anything to avoid those awkward, "I'll pay", no "I'll pay" shenanigans. No need to (fake) offer any longer boys, because according to INGO Direct USA's survey of 1000 Americans, about two-thirds of men think a date who does not want to pay is sexy and smart. The stingier the man, the sexier the man thinks he is.

Unfortunately this also applied to shopping. Apparently, men like boys who don't rack up huge credit card debts. More men, on the other hand, called a frugal blind date "boring" and found it a turn-off.

What type of figure do men find most attractive?

No, it's not the amount their boss has decided to increase their salary by. New Zealand anthropologist Barnaby Dixson showed a bunch of volunteer men (tough gig) a bunch of near-naked photographs of men to determine which body shapes they found most appealing.

Although most were initially drawn to the dick size and their chest were the key attraction, the study found.

"It is likely that perfect 0.7 ratio sends a biological signal to men that that gay-man is most fertile and most likely to produce a healthy offspring, no matter what size the dick is," Dr Dixson told that paper. Right, another 100 sit-ups coming up.

Do old-men really want a toy-boy?
I don't really aim to hook up with a younger man.

"Yes, I do believe the cougar phenomenon is a myth," friend of mine said. He found most singles want to date someone around their own age, although plenty of men were also happy to hook up with men who were significantly older than themselves.

How does an ugly person go about getting a date?
We need to look to the UK for this answer. A new dating website has been launched over there, and it aims to match ugly people with other ugly people.

"Instead of fishing in a small pool of prettiness and getting nowhere, dive into an ocean of uglies and have more choice," is

www.theuglybugball.net catch cry.

Apparently 1500 ugly Brits joined up in the week that it launched.

"It's a sad fact that up to half of the UK is made up of ugly people yet amazingly nobody has ever thought of providing a dating service for them," the genius behind the idea Howard James told London's The Sun newspaper.

It's only a matter of time until one of these pops up here.

What do you think sweetie.....

Till then, have a lovely week ahead....

Has technology made dating impossible for round two daters>

For forty seven years old, and recently single again, thanks for the swimming routine that make me in the very good shape, and fit etc.

I have started dating a boy in his late twenties and am getting heaps of sex’s, naked photos of his from email, etc.

It’s very different to the ‘dating game’ I left behind when I met my ex-partner back in the early ‘90s.

But besides the fact that the ‘tools’ we use to date now (internet, mobiles, facebook, etc) have changed, I want to know; have the men changed too?

I thought all of you might have some thoughts about this – am I too ‘out-of-date’ to date?

Well guys, you heard I said?

Am I too out-of-date to date (date twenty-somethings in particular, I assume)?

It’s a pertinent question in view of the number of thirty-something, 'round-two' daters looking for love these days.

“We’re stuck in the middle,” says one such second-time-single friend of mine.

“You’re mostly dating fellow newly-single or newly out-from closet or singles in their late forty who never quite settled down.

“I’m not sure how the rules work anymore – how to behave, where to meet people – it’s very confusing.”

Confusing because back in the day dating was like Swingers and Melrose Place and Seinfeld all rolled into one, drama and awkward miscommunication … wait, that inter-personal montage is still somewhat applicable.

It’s the delivery that’s different – I mean, back then sexually charged telecommunication occurred via answering machine messages and beepers, right?

Then le modern communiqué required only that you wait three days before calling on the cordless (if you were cool).

There was no texting, sexting, picture messaging, instant messaging, mobile emailing, twittering, facebooking, video calling or skyping – just making sure you knew what to say when you got the machine.

Nine years ago, you couldn’t Facebook stalk your ex or someone you were interested in or somebody who was friends with somebody you thought was hot. You couldn’t even Google them or their known associates – only Yahoo or Ask Jeeves (and he was no good to anyone).

Even when Windows '95 ricocheted around the PC universe (Apple was #fail then, remember?) chat-rooms and email were restricted by flaccid internet speeds and data quotas even more embarrassing than they are today.

Our lives are also busier, more fractured, multi-tasked – we’re also bolder, exposed to more messages of a hyper-sexual nature. You can access porn, hard-core porn, freely and easily and as privately as you choose.

But has the changed jungle fundamentally changed the nature of its beasts? Is a decade’s difference a decade too different? Are thirty-somethings incompatible with the children of the technological revolution?

What do you think?

Are you a newly-singles clueless about how dating works these days? Someone who feels too out of touch to finger the pulse?

Can the pre-iWorld generation only romantically connect with their peers and above? Or are we all, still, just people, after all?

As my friend always said: I hear you DDD, I hear you. It's a freaky world out there now for us second (or third) timers and it can be a weeeee bit scary. I for one am still trying to find my feet some six years down the track of singledom. Sure I have had some significant periods with someone special, but even they had the technology getting in the mix, leaving some bewilderment on my part. And I have worked in I.T. for a large part of my career!

I have a slight advantage over my brothers in that my name is exactly the same as someone older and much more famous than I. A google search turns up way too many hits about him and nothing (to date!) about me. However even this barrier was shattered when a young boy tried my name on Facebook and uncovered my page. We suddenly went from excited and quite interested to "Oh, sorry but you are just too old for me".

Then there's that dating site owned by manjam. I too have tried it several times and have finally given up on the grounds of how soul-destroying it has been. To be rejected on the grounds of a photo or a profile not quite written to his liking is the electronic equivilent of a knee to the balls.

Ouch!

And I have been told I can make money out of my writing!

Yep, the technology has made it a very different world for we single-agains. If I can find someone who has it all together in that department...in the words of a certain eighties duo: I've got the brains, you've got the brawn - let's make lots of money!

Till then, have a lovely nite............

Are you dating the stringers..?

Can you be a dating expert when you are in a long-term relationship? Well, I didn't plan to become a one - man scientific study but it looks like my life is ripe to go under the microscope.

After many years of being in an on-off situation, I'm single again.

Deep down, I'd probably known that he wasn't the one, or at least I wasn't the one for him, but after almost six years together, I guess I had just assumed that one day we'd make the leap and vow to be together in sickness and in health.

What went wrong?

Early this year, when I just move back to Kuala Lumpur and fallen in love with Fred, we agreed to get an apartment together. Just the two of us, and I thought I went above and beyond in playing the role of good boyfriend – I even poured the beers when the boys came over for Friday night’s DVD. Hadn't I proved I'd be the perfect boyfriend?

But perhaps that was the problem. I simply thought the decision was in his hands and that he'd do something about it when he was ready. No such luck.

After we called it quits, I picked up a book that had long been staring back at me from my bookshelf. Titled 'Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others' by Dr John T. Molloy (although it’s for heterosexual relationship) the book is a summary of a scientific study carried out by the author in an attempt to discover the differences between those couples walking out of the wedding registry and those walking out on each other.

Molloy cites myriad reasons that some people never get married, such as not hanging out with other singles, not making the effort to go out to singles' mixers, not dressing enough like a "wife" and expecting bachelor-for-life types to morph miraculously into doting hubbies.

He also says a lot of it has to do with the type of men whom women date. One of the most dangerous? ‘The stringer.’

Molloy defines a stringer as a man who loves to have a woman around to eat with, sleep with and share his life with, but, while he likes having her around full time, he never has any intention of truly committing to her.

The problem with dating a stringer is that many of us dismiss the fact that he might be a stringer until it's too damn late. By then, we're already heartbroken, jaded and back in the singles' world with a wall of fear around us so thick no guy could ever get through.

Molloy's tactic for dealing with stringers before it's too late? Give yourself a six-month deadline.

"If he doesn't commit to you within six months, get rid of him."

You are also to pay no attention to his excuses nor when he tells you "it's too soon to discuss", that he doesn't know whether or not he likes you or he hasn't decided what he feels about you.

"He is likely to tell you anything that will get you to stick around without his needing to make a commitment. Don't fall for it. The chances a stringer will commit himself are very slim; he is simply not the ‘commited-into-relationship kind.'

For many men, it's not that easy. Being alone and getting old will involved and the fear of loneliness sets in and you're stuck with a stringer, hoping and praying you can be that special somebody who can make him commit.

Take Hollywood stringers Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Matthew McConaughey (whose motto for life is "Just Keep Living" - preferably without a ring on his finger), who are all ensconced in long-term relationships without any sign of taking the next step.

I imagine Molloy would love to get his hands on their women and tell them that they need to set a deadline. And that, if their man hasn't committed by the time it's up, his time should be up too and they should move on.

I wonder how his advice would truly go down with men like these who can have the pick of the female crop. Or with any man, for that matter.

Books such as The Rules will tell you never to bring up commitment - unless your aim is to scare him away faster than a flying bouquet. And, according to a poll I conducted, most gay men would never respond to an ultimatum, so men should just forget about the whole idea of giving them one.

Yet many gay-men who've settled down in the long-term-relationship tell me they never would have got into a commitment if they hadn't laid down an ultimatum to prevent a man from stringing them on for all eternity. So what's going on?

The other day, I interviewed a young gay-man who recently just move-in together after six months of being in a relationship. He explained that, after five months, his buddy sat his boyfriend down and asked him what his intentions with his good buddy were.

"Do you want to live with him, or not?" they said. He proposed two week later.

So was I dating a stringer?

Of course it's easier to accept it all if you can blame the downfall of the relationship on his lack of commitment. But could it be that it was really me who was the stringer?

I mean, I did want the whole commitment ‘thing’ and diamond ring and to spend the rest of my life with that one man … didn't I?

But before we accept Molloy's words of wisdom, perhaps we need to spend a bit more time on ourselves. Do we want to get hitched to him? Or do we just want to get hitched?

So if you're sure he's the one, perhaps you should listen to Molloy and set the clock ticking.

He might run for the hills, but at least it clears out the weeds.

People who establish 'hard and fast' rules about anything to do with relationships are unimaginative insecure types who should not and do not have faith in their own judgement and are usually the blind sort of folk who do not know why they do what they do, as I mentioned in a blog the other day.

What do you think?

I think that most people are stupid and do things for stupid reasons.

Ouch...! Am I too harsh for this?

Till then, Good Nite and Good Luck

Dating by GPS

Yesterday’s revelation that someone created fake profiles to encourage other member to shines a light on the fickle and sometimes fake nature of internet dating.

Whether you subscribe to the big sites or more niche ones, there is never any guarantee that the person you are chatting with is who they say they are, looks like their picture suggests they do and means what they write.

That’s why the thought of subscribing to a system like Grindr, allowing people using the application to use GPS to see exactly where you are at any given time, could be a good idea.

Cut straight to the chase, as the saying goes. No need for emailing back and forth. Jump straight to the meeting and see if anything eventuates.

Could be fun, at a pub, narrowing down the potentials before making a real-world approach.

So why does it seem a bit creepy?

You are only visible on the system when you want to be, but there is an inherent danger in giving too much information about yourself away to strangers. You never know who might be using a system like this, and what their true purpose might be.

As more peoples using the internet and I’ll say using the internet to date was moving social barriers and adding some risks, while connecting those who might otherwise have trouble finding potential mates.

But a service like Grindr was "taking internet dating to a new level that is a bit scary".

For a lot of people who otherwise might have lead lonely and isolated lives the internet and communication like this is a fabulous additional tool.

But people must be careful about believing what others posted online.

Allowing strangers to monitor your location could prove risky, but plenty of people around the world have proved keen to give it a go. More than thousand of peoples across Kuala Lumpur using this, obviously thought it was a good idea.

Currently the system is available only to gay males.

It remains to be seen whether the app can make the transition into the straight dating scene.

It’s a different beast.

Would you sign up? Not me tho, I've had seen it thruogh my friend, it's pretty scary when he show me the little GPS that can detect others around you as long yo're online...I called it stalker.........

Till then, have a lovely weekend

Giving and receiving..............

I am a novice when it comes to receiving, giving has become my expertise, but giving alone without getting becomes soon a fatal disease..

If the intake valve is not opened, there's no way to maintain a supply, when comes a point in the cycle of life, when the out-going stream runs dry.

Straining out love from a vacuum, is like drinking from the heart of a stone, try as we may, at the end of the day, we're exhausted, frustrated, alone...

"Better to give than receive" we are thought, yet another truth I've learned just by living, only the soul with the grave to receive. Excels in the fire art of giving.............

Till then, have a good nite and good luck....

Let talk about noisy sex....

Noisy sex lets everyone in on the act , What do the sounds you make during sex say about you?

Are you a silent shagger?

A boisterous bonk?

Somewhere in between?

Perhaps you aren’t that aurally aware – your sex noise is no-one’s business but yours and your partner’s after all...

But let’s face it – what with the economy butchering that once cherished quarter-acre block dream quicker than you can say rising-costs-of-living (or resource-super-profits-tax, whichever comes more naturally), your business is rapidly becoming everyone else’s business.

And that includes your sexy business.

So I ask again – what do the sounds you make during sex say about you?

A friend at a recent dinner made mention of the fact his housemate had engaged the company of a young boy whose mid-week, late-night warbling was proving to be cause for concern.

Not that he and the rest of the household minded their honcho having fun – to the contrary, they were all sexually confident, open-minded young lads more than up for action of their own and likely to salute in spirit their comrade when (and if) he should emerge from his love-den.

No – the problem wasn’t the sex. It was that it was mid-week. And late night. And, well, just bloody annoying.

''And we weren’t clear whether he was simply just that loud or whether he was trying to be heard,'' my friend mused, explaining that he was younger than his housemate was.

''I’m not sure if he wasn’t just trying to prove something.

''Here’s where I interjected – ''Even if he was - let’s say he’s an exhibitionist – is there anything really wrong with that?'' I asked, giving doubt the benefit.

He might just be having a ball and simply wants to let you all in on the party.

Or his yelping could be some sort of primitive I'm-mating-and-fertile call to the other males in the house?

Hell, he may even be trying to instigate group sex – isn’t that what kids these days are doing now?

My friend shook his head. ''Regardless of why he was doing it, the fact remains it was mid-week and annoying.''

Which brings us to today’s question(s).

1.When it comes to sex, what are you trying to communicate when/if you make noise? Have you ever been put off by a noisy/noiseless shag? Why?

2.When it comes to sex in share houses, apartment buildings, narrow blocks, etc – what’s the go with volume? Weekends, at night fine? Weekends, during the day, risky? Weeknights, late night, not at all?

My advice: It's all about manners really... if its after 10 on a weeknight, keep it quiet... any other time is fair game!

Noiseless shags are annoying... worse though are the "deaf" ones... no matter how many noises you make, or "comments" on upcoming events they still seem surprised when it happens!

As I'm single again now, so might be time for me to get some action again.... and am live alone, so I won't have a problem at anytime, cos, I like it laugh.... and at midday, early morning, late evening and early nite..... So here we goes everyone...

Till then, for some of you, who's sharing a house, please be considerate to others....