Why relationships fail..........?

It's pretty obvious why some relationships fail - dalliances with stranger, a dwindling sex life - but what about some of the less obvious reasons?

What about those couples who simply say that they've "fallen out of love" with their other half? Or that they have no idea why they broke up, but they just knew it somehow wasn't right?

Celebs like to call it "irreconcilable differences"; I like to call it "the grass is greener syndrome", and my mate Kent likes to call it "the loss of pride factor". By his reckoning, there is only one reason that all relationships fail: you are no longer proud of your partner.

"Once you lose pride for the other person, the relationship is broken," he tells me. And somehow I think he's right. But that's not the only problem.

Sure, we'd all like the honeymoon period and the rampant sex and excitement to last forever. But, says psychologist Dr Victoria Zdrok Wilson, author of the 30-Day Sex Solution, this lustful stage of a relationship only lasts about 18 to 36 months.

After that, it takes "mental and emotional connection" to keep the relationship alive, otherwise resentment and estrangement will grow, and that's when trouble starts to occur.

I've spent eleven years and thousands of hours dissecting relationships, working out why things don't work out, and then doing it all over again the next day. I've seen my own relationships work, fail and work again. I've seen my friends go through break-ups and make-ups. And what I've discovered is that most couples themselves don't even know why the relationship fails – all they know is that they no longer want to be in it. Hence I've cobbled together a list of reasons as to why I believe relationships fail … but I want to know from YOU … why did yours?

He's a cheater; he's a flirt

When you're in a relationship with someone who continues to chase boys, even after you've decided the two of you are exclusive, it's mightily hard to feel good about yourself ... and the relationship. Your partner is constantly talking about how much attention he gets from the other boys; he meets up for innocent "coffees" with everyone from his hot co-worker to his even hotter ex-boyfriend, and all the while you're left wondering what he's really doing behind your back. Of course it's all just an ego boost for him, but unfortunately sometimes his ego gets in the way and he can't help but act on his impulses. Relationships with these sorts might survive … but only for a little while. Because it gets mightily tiresome always having to compete.

You move in together

One minute you're cherishing all the time you get to spend together, and the next you can't wait to get out for some beer and poker, sans your roomie. While research says that not all couples who live together don't survive, the truth is that living under one roof is the fastest and most efficient way to see whether or not you're compatible before you make that lifetime commitment. Which isn't such a bad thing, as long as you don't want to kill each other at the end of it.

You're at different life stages

He wants to had a dog; he wants to just have fun. He puts hit career first; he wants to be his priority. He's still at university; he's taking life seriously. While age is just a number, life stages are a little more serious when it comes to compatibility. When all you want to do is hit the bars and travel the world, and your partner is trying to work out how to pay the mortgage and when he's ovulating, things can get mighty sticky. Timing is everything …

Boredom

They say only boring people get bored, but this seems to be a serious problem in a heck of a lot of relationships: one of you becomes mightily bored with the other. Of course the task of keeping your partner on his or his toes or constantly having to entertain your other half is rather taxing too. But if the spark has dwindled and one of you is looking to get your rocks off elsewhere, don't be surprised when the relationship takes a turn for the worse.

Jealousy

If there's no reason to be jealous of your partner's male friends, zip it. Being jealous is the fastest way to kill chemistry, lust, love and any sort of trust between the two of you. Of course if you reckon you have a reason to be jealous, you've got other problems on your hands ...

Nagging

When one partner (most of the time), tries to manipulate the other into doing what he wants him to do through nagging, you can bet that your bloke isn't going to be too happy about it.

Overtime, the more he nags, the less the guy wants to pick up his socks and the more he's likely to pack up his bags and exit for good. "Nagging makes a man feel like he can never win and never please their partner, or be successful in his eyes," says Peter, friend of mine. "It creates short-term gain and long-term resentment."

Picking faults, looking for flaws

At first, if you have the perception that your partner is "perfect", things can slide downhill faster than Charlie Sheen's reputation. When you spend copious amounts of time with someone, their imperfections are magnified, and if you can't accept the fact that you're actually with a real person with real foibles and faults, you're in big, big trouble.

When you hail from different cultures

He's from Australia, he's from Malaysia. He wants to move back to Melbourne to settled down where he belong to; he doesn't. So what's a couple to do? And hope for the best? Compromise and live their lives half in one country and half in another? Or should they go their separate ways before things get too complicated? They say love triumphs over all, but the experts reckon that couples hailing from different cultural backgrounds are bound to get messy. Yep, sometimes things are just too hard ...

Perhaps the over-arching message here can be best summed up by Asking my friends or you guys out there: "I've seen so many people go through one failed relationship after another, always blaming the other person, never accepting any responsibility themselves. They choose to overlook the good personality traits of their partner, and magnify (sometimes vastly) minor irritations and peccadilloes, then use these magnified flaws as exhibit A for why 'there are no good men around'. Doesn't take a genius to predict the results of this kind of behaviour, yet many people continue to repeat this behaviour from one relationship to another."

Or perhaps, as John Gray, author of Mars and Venus on a Date, writes "Never in history has lasting romance been associated with marriage" ...

What do you think?

Till then, have a lovely weekend, and time for my laps and sunbathing....