Is there space for 'solo' sex in a shared bed?

What with all the fuss being made about masturbation in the US these days, a conversation shared with an amigo not long ago has taken on new significance.

Guy was blue-balling at the time - his partner, lately, had not been up to getting down - and he was getting desperate.

So, after a perfunctory prod elicited nothing much more than getoffme dismissal, guy rolls over and decides to take matters into his own hands.

Literally.

As he recounted the events that ensued, trying to maintain an air of mild-mannered objectivity, I couldn't ignore the concoction of personal emotion permeating the air.

It smelt like anger mingled with frustration and a vague hint of shame - like he was trying to understand what was so bad about something that seemed so good and was drawing blanks.

Outwardly, he was questioning whether he had a right to react so outrageously. If he wasn’t up for it, why should he suffer?

He was master of his body – he respected that. So how was it fair – how was it allowed – that he prevent him from mastering his?

Poor guy was really upset. I wondered whether it was because he “had” to tend to himself, or the act of tending he found more disgraceful. (But men rarely seem to feel the same weird guilt about getting off boys do … was that why he was upset?).

He asked me how I would react.

I laughed.

One of three ways, I reckoned.

With mild irritation if I was tired or reading – slapping and sighing can be mighty distracting (Why the bed? Why not the bathroom?).

However, say I was un-horny but good-humoured. Bemusement, probably, would give me cause to observe for a bit, at least until the curiosity wore off, I grew bored, or fell asleep.

Of course, I pointed out, there’s always the chance self-satisfaction could invite the arrangement of a more mutually agreeable persuasion ...

“Everyone’s different, every circumstance unique,” I pointed out. “I can’t speak for all bedfellows.”

Which is why I put it to you guys … what’s your standard?

Absolutely not or just not in the bed? Or is personal playtime perfectly fine?

The thing about masturbation is that we’re all capable of it. There are times and places, sure, and not everyone feels as comfortable with the idea as others do. But there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it. Especially when it comes to the sex life you share with your partner.

So why, then, does guy feel like ''so many boys'' have a problem with it?

Agree/disagree and explain.

Happy Frisky Sunday!