How do you know when it's over?

Last week, I was talking to my friend Peter and described how modern men should "man up", especially when it comes to dumping their boyfriend.

"Do it on the phone or in person," I told him, hoping blokes out there would finally ditch the callous text dump.

But it seems, upon closer inspection, that many men would prefer to do something a little different than have to face the problem head on: they opt for the disappearing act.

"It's easier to just stop answering their calls then to have to tell them that you're ending it," one friend recently said.

He was referring to his four-month sojourn with a boy whom he was never quite into, although he stuck around for the sex.

When he started asking questions about "where this is going", he bailed. And simply never answered his calls again.

Sure it's coldhearted, insidious, insensitive and downright rude. But why then – when men are seemingly so capable of so much else – do they get cold feet when it comes to ending a relationship?

"It's because of the crying," one man said. "I can't stand it when they cries."

It's surprising to me how many men end a relationship this way without closure, without a reason as to why they've gone cold or without even a courtesy peck on the cheek to say goodbye..

In fact one stranger told me he recently ended something by inviting the guy over, reading him a letter he'd written to him saying thank you for the wonderful times they had together and then even going so far as to drop him home.

They're still great buddies.

So, was it so hard?

"Not really," he said. "Leaving him in the lurch would have been harder on both of us."

True indeed. Not making the call leaves the other person wondering what the heck is wrong with them, causing them to then blame their own actions for the break-up, when in fact, if they simply received an explanation - their ex had met someone else; had got bored! - they could have moved on without getting an emotional scar so big it would have made it impossible to date again any time soon, let alone get out of bed.

But with so many of us being dumped so often without a plausible explanation from the person we assumed was "the one" at the time, I told Peter and decided enough's enough.

"I asked him what his sexual fantasy was, and he said, 'three-sum’.

"He told me that we couldn't move in together because he'd feel guilty when he brought other boy home."

When I posed the same question to some of my friends, these were some of the responses:

"When he told me he didn't want me pursuing my passions / goals."

"When he asked me to go to couples therapy."

"When he sex becomes non-existent."

"When my friends staged an intervention."

"When he slapped me across the face on my birthday party."

"When his penis didn't work three times!"

But sometimes it's the medium, not the message, that stings the most.

‘Yep,’ says Peter.

These days the worst form of breaking up isn't the disappearing act, but doing it via social networks such as Facebook, Skype and Twitter, he says.

"When I read via Facebook that my boyfriend was 'no longer in a relationship', I knew that was his way of saying it was over," said Daniel, a recent victim of the Facebook dump. And the worst part? "He dumped me in front of all 150 of our friends! What a coward."

Indeed. Breaking up with someone is hard to do, no matter which way you do it. But at least "man up" and do it in style ... computers not included ...

I keeps asking my friend ‘What do you think? When was the moment you knew it was over? What do you think is the best way to break up with someone? The worst? – too many question?