What I DON'T like about gay man here.....

The single gay man ... problems and pitfalls.

"Now you know why I'm still single," my forty-something friend mused the other day as I complained about yet another disappointing date.

"Gay men are all the same," he continued.

"I don't think I'm ever going to have a boyfriend. And I'm OK with that. As long as I never have to date another douchebag again."

Last week, friend of mine from Melbourne coming to visit me. We were on our trip to Cambodia together.

He made a complaints : about gay man here in Kuala Lumpur , with gripes ranging from him being too picky to having too many pets to expecting to be paid for to too much baggage to being too precious about sex early on.

("What's the big deal?" say the men. "It's just sex!". Sure it is...)

Instead of countering the arguments, I've decided to try to analyse the men and discover just what it is about the men that gets another man's pant down.

This is how it begins (or at least this is the scenario I witnessed the other night):

When an announcement is made that there's a single bloke in the room, instead of trying to size him up for what he truly is or to create a list of all his bad points (like straight men so often do in the presence of a single girl), a man will attempt to see the best in him.

"He dresses nicely," he'll say. "So what does he do/how much money does he make/why is he still single?"

The answers (from those who know the bloke and from those who've dated him before) will come in fast and furious: "He's been married before/he cheated/he's a playboy/he doesn't want to commit … bla... bla..."

But this won't deter the single gay man.

Oh no.

Instead, he'll be thinking just how delightful that all sounds and how eager he is to take on the challenge to change him.

Hence he'll go to the bar to try to get his attention (thrusting him bust out, showing a little leg, giggling at his jokes and getting incredibly drunk) while he sips on his Corona and puts him into a single desperate boy category (the independent bitch, the desperate singleton or the non-dateable) sans a positive spin.

Yet here's the catch. While he desperately attempts to gain his attention now, wait till after a date (or two), a few unreturned phone calls and a slew of mixed messages when finally the rose-coloured glasses will slowly come off. And suddenly he'll be faced with everything that is wrong with the modern single gay man all wrapped up into one nice little (or big, depending what type of man you go for) package:

His ego

Boy, are men these days a sensitive bunch or what? Crush his delicate little ego and he'll either run for the hills or act out in some crazy way that will ensure you never consider him as future boyfriend material again. The best way to crush a man's ego? Deny him sex. Whether it be on the first date or the seventh, many single gay men don't take lightly to being refused a little hanky panky.

Even if they say they're OK with it. Even if they tell you they are keen to wait. Even if they deny the fact that they are only wining and dining you for one thing, you can bet your G-string their egos are going to take a thrashing.

That's not to say that you should jump into the sack with every man you want a second date with.

Oh no.

But perhaps deflecting his advances in a way that ensures his ego remains intact (by adding a compliment and telling him how much you like him but that you're just not ready) will ensure his ego isn't bruised too badly. And if he doesn't stick around, at least you discovered his true intentions sooner rather than later …

They give mixed messages

One minute they're holding your hand, gently kissing your forehead and inviting you to Hawaii, and the next they're telling you they don't want a boyfriend, aren't ready for a relationship and that you're coming on too strong.

Say what!?

While men are supposed to let the other man take the lead in a relationship, leave it up to the gents and you're guaranteed to be bombarded with a bevy of mixed messages that screw with your head and leave your more perplexed than a Martin Scorsese movie. While men purport to be simple creatures who say it like it is, ask any single man and he'll be quick to quip that single gay blokes here are so darn confusing that they wish they'd come with an instruction manual.

They are set in their ways

When a man is single long enough, something extremely selfish happens inside his head. The word "compromise" is deleted from his lexicon and life becomes about his way or the highway.

Sure, he will tell you he likes to try new things and isn't opposed to hanging out with your gay BFF, but, at the end of the day, the older men get the less likely they are to change their scheduled weekly poker nights, the way they eat, dress, lie on the couch or let their dog sleep in their bed (even when you sleep over.)

And if you dare even try to suggest they do things a little differently, they'll complain that you're trying to change them, chuck a hissy fit and then tell their mates that you're just not the right man for them no matter how good you looked at their cousin's wedding.

They are obsessed with their ex (or the one who broke their heart)

I don't care about the fact tha most gayt men say they're unemotional creatures who move on after a breakup faster than a speeding crawfish. The reality is that gay men are more sensitive than they let on. If they've endured heartache or ego-bruising by an ex, you are going to pay for it ... as will every other future boyfriend.

In the past few weeks alone I've had one man tell me that if his "darling, sweetheart, good boy" ex-boyfriend managed to break his heart, how could he ever trust another man again?

I've had another man tell me that he was so scared of getting heartbroken again that he dumped his recent boyfriend who he dubbed the "perfect boy" two months into the relationship. he never saw it coming.

So unless you're dating a dude who has recently turned to be gay, chances are some boy somewhere along the way has ruined him for every future relationship. Don't try and set him straight, and don't say I didn't warn you.

They are Players

For many men, after being single for so long and getting more in tune with the way single men work, they have decided on one thing: stuff it.

Hence they flake, tease, lie, chase, forget to text back and pretty much do whatever the bloody hell they want. And when the man in question complains about such behaviour, the man doesn't want to hear a peep of it. Nor does he feel he has to.

Why?

Because since men have been told time and time again that there's a bona fide "man drought" situation going on, they think they're the ultimate catch simply because they wear Calvin Klein boxers and have a job.

Sadly, many men believe it too and therefore are willing put up with it all of the above in fear they'll never meet another man again.

Sigh …

What do you think?

What have you learnt about single gay men here?

What do gay men dislike about their single life?

Till then......Happy Holidays....