How to judge a man by his shoes

A Rebel without a cause: does everyone really have a soul mate? - How to judge aman by his shoes?

Even if a boy is allowed to make the first move, how should he choose his target? Feet first.

I was out at a club on Saturday night and I wasn't happy. Half the people in the dimly lit room were kissing (drunken and sloppy), others were looking fearful and forlorn (as their eyes darted around the room in the desperate hope that someone drunken and sloppy out there would look their way) and the rest were asking me where my "boyfriend" was.

"I haven't met him yet," I smiled, sculling the rest of my mojito.

"Oh you will," they said. "It's just around the corner. Guaranteed."

Really?

Is it really guaranteed that you'll find true love and live happily ever after?

The truth is that I meet diverse groups of people all the time. And it always intrigues me to discover that everyone has different views about whether or not there's such a thing as a soul mate or "the one".

Will everyone find true love?

Or are some of us doomed to be single forever?

While many are optimists and believers who are living in hope that true love is indeed "just around the corner", there are the cynical among them who aren't entirely sure if they'll ever meet someone. Ever.

"Not all of us are going to have happy endings," one friend told me over pizzas the other night. "Some of us are just not ever going to be happy in a relationship sense … ever."

What?!

No hope at all?

"No, I'm too old and have dated way too many men to believe in any of it. For some of us, it's just never going to happen."

Which got me thinking: while many of us hope that true love is "just around the corner" and that we'll all meet that amazing person when we "least expect it", can we really live in such hope?

Or are we being eternal optimists?

And ... is there every chance that we'll end up wanting to run a mile once we get him?

One newly single friend told me that he met his partner, the love of his life, dumped him and is now going to be single forever more. "No one matches up," he said.

"I've had my shot at true love. I love him. I messed it up. Now it's never going to happen again."At 45, he might just have a point.

Another single man, who is approaching 50 and, after a bad relationship, is having the time of his life travelling the world, believes there is no way in hell he’ll ever going to meet someone else.

"My time has passed," he told me.

"I'm not even bothering any more."

But then there's me: at 47 I've met and dated the love of my life for longer than most people's in the relationship. Which leads me to the question: can you meet "the one" twice in one lifetime?

Or is it never going to happen again?

Have I missed my opportunity at ever finding it a second time around?

And why is it so important anyway?

For old man like me, it's biological. In fact, finding a mate is subconsciously of utmost importance because we're supposed to be hard-wired to constantly be on the lookout for a man to invest in our offspring.

For straight men it's a little different. Do they even care? Or are they content in knowing that with all the casual sex that's available, they don't actually need to bother with all the soul mate hoo-hah?

One eternal bachelor with the nom de plume "

A Rebel" certainly concurs. He wrote in an article the other day that there's actually no need for him to look around or take the plunge into a relationship at all. In fact he's happy being an eternal bachelor and wouldn't want it any other way.He says his main reasons for wanting to stay single are: the sex gets boring after doing it with the same person for more than a year, people inevitably cheat or fall out of love, and they take half your things if you break up.

Scientifically speaking, maybe A Rebel is above average in the looks department.

Or at least that would accord with a theory of Peter K. Jonason, a "booty-call expert" (yep, he's done a scientific study on the topic), who says that the less attractive a person sees themselves, the keener they are to settle down.

As Jonason told

Salon.com: "For men who settle down quickly [they think this]: If I'm really ugly, I don't really have the value to go out and get lots of men to have sex with. I have to commit to the first boy who is willing. I have to settle sooner because I don't have value in the negotiation process."

But back to the soul mate debate.

As someone wise once said to me: "There is a lid for every pot." But, in reality, is there? Or are we just being naïve?

And millions of people obviously believe in it … scouring the internet for their soul mates night after night.

But when they're most expecting it, will it ever really happen?

Personally, I must say: I disagree, it's not inevitable, it's not even always possible. Some of us are just not compatible with anyone.

Too much emphasis is placed on being part of a couple. So many people are coupled up and unhappy , just out of sheer desperation to be seen as normal and successful.

How self-absorbed.

Thinking that life will be a happy fairytale is where most people go wrong.

Happy endings exist only in Hollywood movies and certain massage parlours.

A Rebel and Jonason both have good reasons for explaining why men stay single or in the relationships

Personally, I am enjoying my singleness and will find a partner when I am ready, maybe when I'm about 50 (about 3 years from now). I don't believe in fairytales. I believe in finding someone that has common goals, is attractive and good enough to be want to be around.

Till then, wish you all the best in finding Mr. Right. Happy Day