Here's to LIFE...

Speaks to the idea that no matter what you've experienced in life, joy as well as pain, it's all a GIFT......

Being alive and still wanting more...... more loves, compassion, understanding, giving...... more experiences..

I think of all the roads yet to be travelled.

"I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets..."

How to judge a man by his shoes

A Rebel without a cause: does everyone really have a soul mate? - How to judge aman by his shoes?

Even if a boy is allowed to make the first move, how should he choose his target? Feet first.

I was out at a club on Saturday night and I wasn't happy. Half the people in the dimly lit room were kissing (drunken and sloppy), others were looking fearful and forlorn (as their eyes darted around the room in the desperate hope that someone drunken and sloppy out there would look their way) and the rest were asking me where my "boyfriend" was.

"I haven't met him yet," I smiled, sculling the rest of my mojito.

"Oh you will," they said. "It's just around the corner. Guaranteed."

Really?

Is it really guaranteed that you'll find true love and live happily ever after?

The truth is that I meet diverse groups of people all the time. And it always intrigues me to discover that everyone has different views about whether or not there's such a thing as a soul mate or "the one".

Will everyone find true love?

Or are some of us doomed to be single forever?

While many are optimists and believers who are living in hope that true love is indeed "just around the corner", there are the cynical among them who aren't entirely sure if they'll ever meet someone. Ever.

"Not all of us are going to have happy endings," one friend told me over pizzas the other night. "Some of us are just not ever going to be happy in a relationship sense … ever."

What?!

No hope at all?

"No, I'm too old and have dated way too many men to believe in any of it. For some of us, it's just never going to happen."

Which got me thinking: while many of us hope that true love is "just around the corner" and that we'll all meet that amazing person when we "least expect it", can we really live in such hope?

Or are we being eternal optimists?

And ... is there every chance that we'll end up wanting to run a mile once we get him?

One newly single friend told me that he met his partner, the love of his life, dumped him and is now going to be single forever more. "No one matches up," he said.

"I've had my shot at true love. I love him. I messed it up. Now it's never going to happen again."At 45, he might just have a point.

Another single man, who is approaching 50 and, after a bad relationship, is having the time of his life travelling the world, believes there is no way in hell he’ll ever going to meet someone else.

"My time has passed," he told me.

"I'm not even bothering any more."

But then there's me: at 47 I've met and dated the love of my life for longer than most people's in the relationship. Which leads me to the question: can you meet "the one" twice in one lifetime?

Or is it never going to happen again?

Have I missed my opportunity at ever finding it a second time around?

And why is it so important anyway?

For old man like me, it's biological. In fact, finding a mate is subconsciously of utmost importance because we're supposed to be hard-wired to constantly be on the lookout for a man to invest in our offspring.

For straight men it's a little different. Do they even care? Or are they content in knowing that with all the casual sex that's available, they don't actually need to bother with all the soul mate hoo-hah?

One eternal bachelor with the nom de plume "

A Rebel" certainly concurs. He wrote in an article the other day that there's actually no need for him to look around or take the plunge into a relationship at all. In fact he's happy being an eternal bachelor and wouldn't want it any other way.He says his main reasons for wanting to stay single are: the sex gets boring after doing it with the same person for more than a year, people inevitably cheat or fall out of love, and they take half your things if you break up.

Scientifically speaking, maybe A Rebel is above average in the looks department.

Or at least that would accord with a theory of Peter K. Jonason, a "booty-call expert" (yep, he's done a scientific study on the topic), who says that the less attractive a person sees themselves, the keener they are to settle down.

As Jonason told

Salon.com: "For men who settle down quickly [they think this]: If I'm really ugly, I don't really have the value to go out and get lots of men to have sex with. I have to commit to the first boy who is willing. I have to settle sooner because I don't have value in the negotiation process."

But back to the soul mate debate.

As someone wise once said to me: "There is a lid for every pot." But, in reality, is there? Or are we just being naïve?

And millions of people obviously believe in it … scouring the internet for their soul mates night after night.

But when they're most expecting it, will it ever really happen?

Personally, I must say: I disagree, it's not inevitable, it's not even always possible. Some of us are just not compatible with anyone.

Too much emphasis is placed on being part of a couple. So many people are coupled up and unhappy , just out of sheer desperation to be seen as normal and successful.

How self-absorbed.

Thinking that life will be a happy fairytale is where most people go wrong.

Happy endings exist only in Hollywood movies and certain massage parlours.

A Rebel and Jonason both have good reasons for explaining why men stay single or in the relationships

Personally, I am enjoying my singleness and will find a partner when I am ready, maybe when I'm about 50 (about 3 years from now). I don't believe in fairytales. I believe in finding someone that has common goals, is attractive and good enough to be want to be around.

Till then, wish you all the best in finding Mr. Right. Happy Day

10 Dating commandments - How to pick- up a guys

On the street or in a bar, three pick-up experts' tips are tested to find the secret to getting a boy.

I hate rules. I don't diet, can't stand a schedule and the words "office hours" are non-existent in my lexicon. So you can imagine my disdain at being newly single and suddenly discovering more rules and regulations than if you were being recruited into the Secret Service. (Is it really all supposed to be that hard?)

There's booty call buddy etiquette (don't get jealous when they meet someone they actually like), casual dating regulations (don't whine when they don't call you), when to kiss (apparently not on the first date if you want a certain level of respect), what to say if you don't want a second date (without busting their poor egos) and when, how or what to text back. (Don't even start me on the text lingo!)

The Dating Commandments... effective or play by your own rules?

Oh, and don't even dare make a mistake or you'll be scoffed at and berated by well-meaning friends who quite simply cannot understand why the heck you (especially if you're a dating columnist) don't already know that you aren't supposed to tell him about the time your ex shagged your best friend or that you dumped your last date via a drunken text message.

Oops....!

"Don't you know this stuff by now?"' shocked friends will ask with a frown, appalled at your dating behaviour.

"Isn't it obvious that you're not supposed to do that on the second date?" they'll continue, looking at you like an alien from another planet who has never met a person before now and unsure of why you can't quite get your head around what a silly Facebook poke really means.

The more they laugh at your mistakes, the more confusing things get. Because here's the thing about following other people's rules in your own situations: their advice (laced with good intentions) might not be the best fit for your own scenario and pretty quickly you find yourself having to backtrack majorly just to get back on track again.

And the more mistakes you make, the more you actually start to believe that perhaps it's really you who is the freaking problem and not the douchebag men you choose - they're just reacting to your bizarre actions!

And pretty soon you start to think that maybe you really are getting this whole dating thing wrong and that for some reason you missed the memo on how to behave in the town of singletons.

So what's a gal to do?Aussie singer Am8er (real name Amber De Vogt) has an idea. Teaming up with US rapper 'Lil Kim, she's written a song that says if you want to keep a guy "whipped" and "coming back for more", then there are 10 dating commandments that should be followed stringently without swaying.

Now while I don't agree with everything she says, (remember what I said about my abhorrence for rules?) perhaps some of her thoughts have some merit (especially since the guy I've just interviewed actually didn't mind many of her commandments).

So see what you think. Her commandments from her song lyrics are in bold, and a summary of the male opinions from the poll I took is below each...

1. Never give him some on the first night - A little kissing is OK and a good tease for the future, but sex is a no-no. I could never seriously date a boy who sleeps with me on the first date.

2. Never bring your man around your crew - At first, this makes sense but further into the relationship this is a big red flag. Either he's ashamed of his friends or of me, and neither is good.

3. Never call him first; let him call you - I don't buy into rules about who should call or how long you should wait to call. If I like someone and I felt a connection, don't play games and I'll call when I feel the urge. Having said that, don't call first thing in the morning the next day after the first date.

4. Never let him know your every move - This cuts both ways and, really, you should never let anyone know your every move. Having independence is a healthy thing.

5. Never tell him about your past - There are some things you share and some things you don't. It isn't about hiding your past but letting go of it and not letting it affect your future. When talking about how many people you've slept with, if it's a small number, then it doesn't matter but if it's a big number, then definitely play it down as unimportant or tone down the count."

6. Never mix business with pleasure - You only ever mix business with pleasure when on business trips."

7. Never move in unless he asks - Never move in without a real commitment and agreement between both of you, unless he asking for.

8. Never tell your friends about your bedroom - If the sex is great, why not share? If it's not, then keep quiet.

9. Never let them know his shoe size - I assume this is a penis size reference? If it's big, share away. If it's small, don't embarrass your man with your friends.

10. Rule number 10 should have been rule number 1: 'Cos If you give in on the first night, make sure you ride that thing - That's how I read it. If you're going to break the first rule, the sex better be mind-blowingly epic.

My rules? Always be honest and upfront about your intentions at the start, never fall in love with your booty call buddy, don't date too many people at once (it becomes difficult knowing who said what), never kiss, date or Facebook chat with someone your best mate has already dated and always, always use protection ...

What are your dating rules? Any comments?

My friend Jude told me that my intro makes me sound like I want a relationship but I am not prepared to compromise. Nor do I recognise the fact that my prospective partner may have thoughts, feelings and opinions of their own. I seem to think they are irrelevant to me.

If I can't figure out that I am dating a human being with tastes and preferences of their own and if I am not willing to compromise and accommodate their tastes and preferences then I should stay single.

Am I sound too selfish to have a relationship?

The only one of those rules that I have a real objection to is moving in - you should try before you buy. If you're going to make a lifelong commitment to someone then you want to know what they're like on the deepest and most intimate level and determine whether you are compatible. You can only do this by moving in.

Till Then, feel free to give you comments if you have something to say, love to hear from you sometimes.

Have a lovely day

A classy exit to a one-night stand

I often think that most gay men’s don't give a toss. That they don't call because they don't want to. That they don't put the toilet seat down because they don't want to (and claim that it should be up all the time). That they don't call your mum on her birthday because they don't want to.

That they don't remember your anniversary because they simply don't care.

But occasionally I get a tiny insight from a man that shows me they actually do give a toss, but they just don't know how to show it.
Because, if a man shows he cares about a man's feelings, he fears he'll get all googley eyed on him and then demand they be in a relationship, that he put a ring on his finger, that they move in together for a life of domestic bliss and that he declare his undying love before he's through with his dessert.
Case in point is the tale of Hank, who says that, after a recent one-night, he actually does care what he thinks but isn't sure how to break the news to him that he just wants to engage in a bit of casual late-night nookie (he says he's not "relationship material"), while he searches for Mr. Right on the side.
It's been a few days since the hook-up and he has yet to give him a call. Why? Because he's scared. You see, while he's indicated he wants a relationship with him, he's just happy to see him for sex.
"Is it bad," he asks, "to hang on to a boy just for sex, knowing I don't really want a relationship? Should I be straight up and tell him that I like having sex ... but I don't want to be in a relationship? And could this lead to a 'friend with benefits' situation? And is that really the solution?"
Having been on the tail end of a relationship with a man who wasn't ever into me but only after one thing (yet never having had the decency to let me know until it was too late), I told Hank that he should be honest and upfront with him from the start.
That if he wants to see him again, he should tell him that he's only after something casual and that if he's OK with that then they can continue to see each other. But if he wants something more, then they should call it quits before he's running around deciphering his text messages and planning to move in to his flat.
When I told my psychiatrist friend Dr T my solution to Hank's problem, he told me that, even though it all sounds good in theory, the trouble with gay men is that, despite what a man might tell them, they still think they can "change" him. If the man acquiesces to his wants and needs, he might turn around one day and decide that he is boyfriend material. That he does want a relationship with him.
"What men do is they look for the smallest sign that a guy might be into him," explains Dr T. "So he'll open the car door for him or text him something and all of a sudden he's saying: 'Wow, he opened the car door for me! He must really like me!' When in reality he might do that for every boys. But, nevertheless, he starts daydreaming about the guy and conjuring up all these fantasies about him and he's not even there! So he'll build a relationship in him head based on a fantastical version of the person and think he's in love. But he's not really in love because the other person wasn't even there - it was only him!"
Put your hands up if you've found yourself in that situation. Me too. The technical term for it is "parataxic distortion" – the psychiatric term (according to Wikipedia) which is used to explain "the inclination to skew perceptions of others based on fantasy".
Gay men are notorious fantasy jumpers. Why we do it so often, I have no bloody idea. All I know is that it's a dangerous game we play in our heads, which leads us down a treacherous path of no return as we flitter around and around in circles over some guy who, in reality, might not be that into us. It's funny that, while some gay men are notorious for being good listeners, when it comes to hearing what men say, we suddenly go mightily deaf.
I once had a guy tell me he was dating another man and could no longer be friends with me. I didn't hear his words. I simply assumed that if I showed him what great boyfriend material I was, he'd dump him and come running into my arms. How wrong I was.
My friend played a similar game when his ex told him he'd like to see him for his birthday, despite the fact he'd dumped him for no reason and was now in a relationship with someone else. So he ditched all his friends and waited patiently at home, all dolled up and heady with excitement for the reunion. He never showed up.
It's weird that we sit and wait for some guy who we think might be "the one" to call us, show us he cares and remember our birthday, when in fact the real "one" would be doing those things without the excuses of a lost mobile phone, a car breaking down or the fact he "fell asleep" when he was supposed to be picking us up.
Perhaps next time we should listen more carefully to a man's actual words and stay out of our heads. And instead of wasting all our time fantasy jumping, we should aim to live well, look hot and meet someone new. Who does actually call when he says he will …
What do you think?
On the flip-side, when a man wants a relationship and the other man does not, does he give a toss about his feelings? Or use him for sex without his knowledge? Has that ever happened to you or is it an unlikely scenario?
To me, seriously. This has to be the funniest thing I've ever thought. Do you ever spend time with real men and gay man?
You really shouldn't be rewarding such foolish men with your company. And you really should tell your friend who ditched his mates to wait for a guy that he's a loser. Say it slowly....Self. Esteem. Paratoxic distortion. Arrrrg the tech term for gay life..Till then, looking forward for this weekend, need a real rest here at the pool.

Is spending the night a big deal?

Is "cuddling" the code word for sex?

What's the big deal about "spending the night"? Well, plenty. To be honest, I'm sick to death of men assuming that just because they've paid for your dinner, told you they like your hair and offered to take you to Bangkok, you will go back to their place … that night. "Just to talk," they'll tell you.

"Just to cuddle," they'll beseech. "Just to tickle your back." Bollocks.

"Oh that's the line I always use," my man eater pal Jason told me the other night.

I was asking him about this kind of behaviour that I'd noticed repeatedly from men who'd asked me out, and wondered if every man under the sun asked the same question.

And if so, what's their real intention? Did they really only ask you out on a date to have you come back to their abode? Surely they can't all assume that we're all that dumb?

"Not every man asks that," Jason snapped. "Just the ones who think they can get some."

But here's the thing: Jason says that, more times than not, the men actually succeed. "There are so many boys out there willing to do that, it becomes sort of a game. And if we're just out to have some fun, we think, why waste time on ones who won't?"

Great. My best friend told me I was harping on about nothing. That it was because I usually wear short (I don't own anything below the knee) and T’shirt or just Jeans, I can’t stand the weather here in Kuala Lumpur. It’s too humid to dress-up!

"You need to wear something trendy, revealing," my friends finally told me. "And stop being so gushy too. You don't have to try so hard to make them like you. They should be trying to get your attention. Not the other way around."

What about the old men who fail the male test? Is it really that big a deal if they decide - just once - to go up and see the view from his window?

"It's about putting a value on yourself and knowing what's going to happen without being naive," says my friend Steve, who is a dating expert and author of

Never Trust a Man in Alligator Loafers.

"When you are spending four to six hours in skin-to-skin contact with someone, all of a sudden your body starts wanting sex, not just your mind. And it's really hard to say no. Every hour you spend skin to skin, all the reasons not to go out the window."

He also says that the morning-after syndrome is very real. "When you wake up, and you look at each other and hardly recognise one another, the fantasy is gone. You're thinking that he's seen you naked and yet you don't even know how to spell his last name."

Right. Either way, no one told me this dating stuff was going to be so bloody darn difficult. And confusing. And that there'd be so many freaking rules. Whatever happened to just "being yourself"? I guess that must have gone the way of VHR machines and Chris Brown's reputation.

But come-on guys (and I'm not only talking to the players out there), what happened to basking in the ability to get to know one another? What happened to waxing poetically about your similarities and laughing off your differences? Sharing an intimate kiss at the end of a delectable evening together before embracing goodnight and making plans to see each other… another time? Seriously… are all men are the same? Or just the ones I meet?

After analysing the situation, seeking advice from the experts, weighing up the possible responses and deciding on what to do, when it happened for the fifth time in a row, I was finally prepared.

"You should see the view from my apartment," a first date recently asked during dessert. "It's amazinggggg."

"Oh, I'd really love to…" I oozed cheerfully, before adding, "but maybe another time."

While that answer certainly managed to shut him up, I'm quite sure it put me into the no-second-date category, but I didn't give a toss. Surely there must be some blokes out there who are willing to take a man out without an expectation at the end of the night? Not even "just to cuddle" as they so eloquently put it?

Why do we bother? Is it really that important to find a partner? Why can't we just be happy by ourselves for all eternity? I was thinking the same thing, believe me.

To get answers, I decided to interview Helen Fisher while I was recently in Siem Reap (The trip was supposed to bring me a holiday fling, help me get over my break-up and heal my broken heart in the way Julia Roberts's character Elizabeth Gilbert was able to in the film Eat, Pray, Love. Sure I ate loads, dated loads - there is never a shortage of people wanting to hook you up with their friends - and drank my weight in Gin. What else are you supposed to do on a boring date?)

But I certainly didn't fall in love. Rather, all this frolicking about in search of something made me crave the safety, familiarity and the chivalrous way my ex-boyfriend treated me. Of course I wanted to see his bloody apartment at the end of the night – I lived in it!

Anyway, back to the expert. In case you haven't heard of Fisher, she's the brilliant woman behind recent research into dating and relationships from the Rutgers University in New Jersey, and also the author of Why Him, Why Her?

My first question to her was this: do we really all need love? And if so, why?

"We need it for evolutionary reasons," she explained. "We all have three powerful brain systems that drive us to find a partner: our sex drive, the need for romantic love and the yearning for attachment – all necessary for the ultimate goal that has been our goal for millions of years: reproduction. We are a species that exists to form pair-bonds with the opposite sex to have babies."

She explained the purpose of each brain system: sex drive is to try people out. Romantic love enables us to focus our mating energy on one person at a time. And the yearning for attachment is what sustains us together to rear children as a team. "Those who didn't fall in love and just had sex wandered off, had fewer children and died out. It wasn't the best choice." (She also told me that love doesn't last forever and that research done in 58 societies found that divorce is most common in the fourth year of marriage after a couple has stayed together to raise a child through infancy.)

So why all the casual sex? According to Fisher, and a recent study, we're all just kidding ourselves.

Hmm. Perhaps a "cuddle" at the end of a date isn't so bad after all ...

What do you think?

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose we know not, though we sometimes thinks we senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other people, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...

I prefer to having good sex with someone that is passionate about something, than passionate sex with someone that I can hardly find something in common

Dating is about getting to know someone and enjoying them. So is sex and there is nothing in this world more enjoyable than sex.

If you're so uptight and prissy about guys asking you to go back to their place then it's sending a signal to the guy that you won't be able to keep him satisifed.

Sex is not a prize to be awarded to a guy who has jumped through every hoop and done a good performance. If you're showing a guy that you withhold sex at whim then don't be surprised if he loses interest in you.

This doesn't mean that you have to hop into bed at every request but understand that men are looking for a man that can keep them satisfied and men are not all bastards, dogs and cads if wanting sex.

Also, as I said earlier, if you're dating guys that have good views from their apartments and can take you to Bangkok then you must understand that you have a lot of competition. If you can't handle that then date guys that don't have so many choices.

They won't have nice views from their apartments or be able to take you to Bangkok, though.But you need to figure out if it is the fantasy of the perfect male with the perfect relationship you want or if it is something real.

Till then, yay!!! It's friday and time for happy hour...........

The Ghost of my boyfriend Ex's

When I met Steve I knew I was not his first love. In fact I was his thirteenth boyfriends. Before we met he had managed to get through a dozen other fellows, all from one city, Kuala Lumpur.

Thus, as I walked daily through crowds on Bangsar and Hartamas area, I was intensely aware that any man among them might once have held his hand. Might have brought him a bunch of flowers and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. More disturbingly, any of these men might several times have had sex with my gorgeous new boyfriend.

A few days earlier I had seen, from a distance, one of these ex-boyfriends-not just once but twice. The rest were list of first names, occasional odd details - a job here, a hobby there - and little more. I did not know them but it was possible that some of them knew me.

Perhaps as I stood here in the taxi queue in-front of Bangsar Village his first ex was the man half smiling in my direction. Maybe he was looking over, thinking to himself, ’I have had sex with your boyfriend! Before you! Your entire sex life is now spent retracing my steps over skin I mapped fifteen years ago. There is nowhere that you can place your hand or your tongue that I haven’t already been.’

Plainly this notion was preposterous. My boyfriend, Steve, had better taste. The man was podgy, with sticky-out ears, and he was a bit too old. Nevertheless, and despite the first spatters of rain, I decided to walk home. Up along Bangsar Road, I glared at passing strangers.

This uneasiness had started a few days before. Steve and I were at the Theatre on the opening night of some Comedy thing. At the interval Steve went out to the gents while I remained in my seat. I turned around to survey the rows behind. A man sitting near the aisle winked at me. I look away. Then I wondered whether he had really been winking at someone else and looked at him again. He winked once more. This time there could be no doubt. Although a total stranger to me, he was smiling directly at me and had one eyebrow raised quizzically. Astonished, I turned away. An announcer told everyone to return to their seats, Steve sat down, and the play recommenced.

Later, when the lights were up and we were getting up to leave. I pointed out the guy to Steve and asked if he recognized him.

‘Oh, him,’ he said. That’s Eric. I knew him years ago when he was doing the Masters in Journalism at UM. He’s an old boyfriend of mine.’

It was quite a shock. I had figured that perhaps he was some kind of simpleton and winking a harmless foible. This news cast things in an altogether different light. Plainly he had recognized my boyfriend and guessed that I was now his new boyfriend.

‘And when you say boyfriend.’ I asked Steve, ‘You mean, don’t you, That he is someone you had sex with?’

‘Well.. yes,’ he said, wrinkling his forehead the way he does when he thinks I am being a plonker.

‘How many times?’

‘Oh, come now,’ he said. ‘I don’t know. A few, I suppose.’

‘A few?’ I said. ‘How many times is a few?’

‘You are being ridiculous,’ he said. ‘I don’t know! It was years ago. Maybe eight or nine times. Ten maximum.’

‘Fuck,’ I thought. You could fit a lot into ten times. You’d be way past the missionary position. This Eric guy had probably had my boyfriend every which way. And now, years later, he was winking at me. FUCK!

We shuffled along the row and made our way out onto the street. There was no further sign of Eric but still I was troubled. As we headed to the car park, Steve noticed. ‘So now you’ve gone into one of your sulks?’ he said.

‘I am not sulking!’

‘Well, what are you, then?’

‘I am just thinking, that’s all.’

‘Thinking? Right, so what are you thinking?’

‘I am thinking, to be honest, that I do not like the thought of that smirking idiot Eric ever having been intimate with my gorgeous boyfriend.’

‘Oh, come on, I can’t believe your immaturity,’ he said. ‘That was years ago. You’re being silly.’

I did not reply.

‘Look,’ he said as he hit the central locking.’ The last I heard he’d got a job with one of the newspapers doing reviews. Presumably that’s why he was here tonight. If you’re going to those a big sulk, though, over seeing aguy I dated briefly years ago, then maybe we shouldn’t just avoid to any further opening nights?’

He was being sarcastic.

‘I whole-heartedly agree.’ I replied, not sarcastically at all.

Precious little else was, though. As I lay awake at 2am, unwanted vision of Eric floated into my mind. Beside me, Steve was sleeping soundly.

Yes, I was being irrational. Eric was nothing new. He had long since existed and I had long since been told about him. He was one of a list of names that Steve had gradually reveled, years ago when we were courting. When we were in the ‘getting to know everything about each other’ phase. But..

But back then my boyfriend was not yet mine. Whom he had slept with before was of no relevance. What was relevant was that he was gorgeous. What was relevant was: would he sleep with ME? And then how often.

‘But now he is mine.’ I murmured,’ and the theoretical name gets a face.’

And this face had made love to my boyfriend on at least ten occasions. That was substantial number. It raised questions, terrible tormenting questions..

Did Steve enjoy sex with this Eric?

I suppose.. yes, obviously, she’d hardly just lay there or just bend over letting him do stuff to him.

Did he have huge, piercing orgasms? Which rolled and tumbled onwards and inwards for several minutes? Did the fabulously rhythmic Eric always hit the spot?

Ahmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

And, in the bucolic bliss of his sweaty aftershocks, did he, despite himself, let slip a tiny whisper of ‘I love you?’

Stop

And now, years later, while doing ‘conjugal duty’ with his boyfriend, when he’s bored, not particularly turned on, does his mind drift to thoughts of Eric?

I said stop!

Or, worse, when he IS turned on, IS about to orgasm, is it because he’s just visualized Eric’s massive throbbing…

Stop, stop, STOP!

To break the train of thought I went for a piss. I was too agitated to hit a target so I had to do it sitting down. Another irritating details from earlier come back to me.

‘Who broke up with whom?’ I had asked him in the car on the way home.

‘When are you going to cop on?’ he said with a sigh. ‘I don’t know, it was all a long time ago. I think he dumped me because he was taking a year out to work in England and wanted no ties.

So this idiot had sampled my boyfriend, taken him for a test drive and found him wanting. How dare he? The fucking fecker.

Jesus, I wanted to kill him. Or at the very lest find him tomorrow and punch his lights out.

- For his bloody nerve in winking at me
- For his bloody nerve in having shagged my boyfriend, even if it was in the distant past.
- For his bloody nerve in making me lose sleep thinking about possible dimensions of his penis.

Yes tomorrow I must make it a priority, suft the internet, scour the telephone directory, ring every newspaper, whatever it took. Tomorrow, I would systematically search this city of four million souls until I found Eric.

But then what wil happened? I asked myself.

Maybe he’ll hit me back..Am I ready for this?

Yes, Fuck him! Let him have a go, I’ll repay every blow with interest.

Okey, so I win the fight, what then? Do I really think that’ll be the end of the story?

Huh!

No doubt with so many witness the cops will nap me. ‘A totally unprovoked attack, guard! I saw everything!’

So, I have to pay the fine, spend a day or two in custody. It’s be worth it.

Stop, am just being silly.

‘What about that guy Angus you live with for eleven years? Don’t you think that’s a bit intimidating for me?' Steve asked me the next morning.

‘He was just a mistake. I’ve always made that clear.’ I said.

‘Oh, come on! How did you stay together for eleven years if the relationship was so bad? You must have loved him. You must have had quite a bit of sex with him too. Well?’

I did not answer. I grabbed a towel because the bathwater suddenly seemed quite cold. But yes. While Steve spend his twenties flitting from short term relationships to one-night stands. I used up ten and half years with just one man. And admittedly, yes, I had loved him, and we’d had a lot of sex, for the first five years at least. As Steve stood up and dripped across the titles towards his towel. I closed my eyes and pondered Angus for the first time in four years...

We had probably had sex about a more than thousand times.

Jesus!

It sound massive, doesn’t it? But eleven years is 4,015 days. At the start we did it at least daily (once we managed four times in twenty-four-hours!). Then by year three it was down to every second day, then twice a weekly, then weekly and then for the last sad period almost never. By then we were living together, hoping that would fix our problem. By then we were good flatmates, no longer really lover.

Another thing about Angus, Like me, he was a virgin when we began going out. And he was never unfaithful to me, as far as I could tel. The last I’d heard of his was last month, when he was still single according to some of our friends, four years after our split.

Surely, yes. Yet, if he’d not met another man, then.. I would be the only man he’d ever slept with…….

It has been two months now without a single sighting of Eric. My reward has been a gradual reduction in sulking with my boyfriend and scowling at strangers. In short, a less distracted mental state. I am optimistic that I can keep a lid on my jealousy but there’s a threat hovering on my horizon. Eleven more of Steve’s Ex-boyfriends are still out there, each with his own workplace, his own favourite bar, his own daily pathway through this city.

To the men I know only as David, Michael, Brian, Frank, Sean, Geeeer I.., Anthony, James, Oliver, Jack and Ger O. – my silent prayer, indeed my violent prayer, is this: ‘That You. All, Stay Out. Of My. Life

Till then, so how you feel if you were in my shoes..... G'nite

The we sell ourselve.......... anyone want to buy?

I don't know what's comes into my head lately, but reading peoples profile is my new excitment especially those come from peoples who's hiding their faces and just showing their 'dick' ....

So, let me shared with you guys one of those long and details profile from the net that I thoughts it's usefull for us to know what is the person interest and what he really looking in life and, of course only the suitable candidate need to aply....

Here they goes.....

My Profile :

I don't like making claims about myself, preferring to let others draw their own conclusions about me.

However... Confident, outgoing, trustworthy, (very) self-disciplined, well-mannered, goal-oriented, decisive and optimistic. I also consider myself mature, reliable and discerning, but doesn't everyone?

While I firmly believe in openness and honesty, I was tempted to lie about my age! I enjoy new experiences and keep myself busy with a range of interests, including frequent international travel, the arts, home renovations, the company of good friends and working out.

I think it's important to develop the mind, body and spirit, and I try to achieve a sound balance of all three.

My faults? Noteworthy ones include spending too much time on my appearance and finding it hard to break my routines.

Being a Virgo Ox, this is probably because I'm astrologically challenged! I also work reasonably hard, but reward myself by sleeping a lot (which can be very irritating to some people) and by having an active social life. This doesn't include casual sex, since I'm only intimate with those I know and respect - wholesome guys who always practice safe sex.

As for the cheesy pics, the main one was taken in December 2007, and the remainder from 2004 onwards. And, no, they haven't been "photoshopped", however it's amazing what you can achieve with a dodgy webcam and poor lighting!

And, no, I haven't had plastic surgery, but I'm willing to if you think it would help. For those of you who are into the so-called "vital stats", mine are as follows: 41c, 29w, 14a, 6c.

Yeah, the latter is proof that you can't enlarge every muscle at the gym! :) In regards to my body, one of my ambitions is to win a medal in the over 60s bodybuilding at the Gay Games in Singapore in 2026.

My Desire:

What I'm looking for :

KEYWORDS: boyish, smile, intelligent, low maintenance, fit, neat, clean, very clean, genuine, wholesome, horny, caring, affectionate Hey, that's a pretty long list and might just explain why I've been single for the past 15 years!

However, marriage is a serious, lifelong commitment, right? An appreciation of the lighter side of life is also really important to me, since I enjoy the company of those who find it easy to laugh and smile. Similar values are a real plus, though I appreciate that there is much to be learned from those with differing approaches to life.

Generally speaking, I'm MUCH more interested in the masculine "boy next door" than muscle marys and other show ponies.

Yes, everyones....

What do you think? I thinks some of the statement kind of abit confussing, he want far too many things in someone and putting too much high expectation on someone, (no wonder, as he said, he has been single for the past 15 years.. you get the answer?)

I guess, even if I am the most good looking guy in the room, I'll thinks hundred of times to respond ornot to respond this guy arvert.....

Till then, have a lovely sunday...

What I DON'T like about gay man here.....

The single gay man ... problems and pitfalls.

"Now you know why I'm still single," my forty-something friend mused the other day as I complained about yet another disappointing date.

"Gay men are all the same," he continued.

"I don't think I'm ever going to have a boyfriend. And I'm OK with that. As long as I never have to date another douchebag again."

Last week, friend of mine from Melbourne coming to visit me. We were on our trip to Cambodia together.

He made a complaints : about gay man here in Kuala Lumpur , with gripes ranging from him being too picky to having too many pets to expecting to be paid for to too much baggage to being too precious about sex early on.

("What's the big deal?" say the men. "It's just sex!". Sure it is...)

Instead of countering the arguments, I've decided to try to analyse the men and discover just what it is about the men that gets another man's pant down.

This is how it begins (or at least this is the scenario I witnessed the other night):

When an announcement is made that there's a single bloke in the room, instead of trying to size him up for what he truly is or to create a list of all his bad points (like straight men so often do in the presence of a single girl), a man will attempt to see the best in him.

"He dresses nicely," he'll say. "So what does he do/how much money does he make/why is he still single?"

The answers (from those who know the bloke and from those who've dated him before) will come in fast and furious: "He's been married before/he cheated/he's a playboy/he doesn't want to commit … bla... bla..."

But this won't deter the single gay man.

Oh no.

Instead, he'll be thinking just how delightful that all sounds and how eager he is to take on the challenge to change him.

Hence he'll go to the bar to try to get his attention (thrusting him bust out, showing a little leg, giggling at his jokes and getting incredibly drunk) while he sips on his Corona and puts him into a single desperate boy category (the independent bitch, the desperate singleton or the non-dateable) sans a positive spin.

Yet here's the catch. While he desperately attempts to gain his attention now, wait till after a date (or two), a few unreturned phone calls and a slew of mixed messages when finally the rose-coloured glasses will slowly come off. And suddenly he'll be faced with everything that is wrong with the modern single gay man all wrapped up into one nice little (or big, depending what type of man you go for) package:

His ego

Boy, are men these days a sensitive bunch or what? Crush his delicate little ego and he'll either run for the hills or act out in some crazy way that will ensure you never consider him as future boyfriend material again. The best way to crush a man's ego? Deny him sex. Whether it be on the first date or the seventh, many single gay men don't take lightly to being refused a little hanky panky.

Even if they say they're OK with it. Even if they tell you they are keen to wait. Even if they deny the fact that they are only wining and dining you for one thing, you can bet your G-string their egos are going to take a thrashing.

That's not to say that you should jump into the sack with every man you want a second date with.

Oh no.

But perhaps deflecting his advances in a way that ensures his ego remains intact (by adding a compliment and telling him how much you like him but that you're just not ready) will ensure his ego isn't bruised too badly. And if he doesn't stick around, at least you discovered his true intentions sooner rather than later …

They give mixed messages

One minute they're holding your hand, gently kissing your forehead and inviting you to Hawaii, and the next they're telling you they don't want a boyfriend, aren't ready for a relationship and that you're coming on too strong.

Say what!?

While men are supposed to let the other man take the lead in a relationship, leave it up to the gents and you're guaranteed to be bombarded with a bevy of mixed messages that screw with your head and leave your more perplexed than a Martin Scorsese movie. While men purport to be simple creatures who say it like it is, ask any single man and he'll be quick to quip that single gay blokes here are so darn confusing that they wish they'd come with an instruction manual.

They are set in their ways

When a man is single long enough, something extremely selfish happens inside his head. The word "compromise" is deleted from his lexicon and life becomes about his way or the highway.

Sure, he will tell you he likes to try new things and isn't opposed to hanging out with your gay BFF, but, at the end of the day, the older men get the less likely they are to change their scheduled weekly poker nights, the way they eat, dress, lie on the couch or let their dog sleep in their bed (even when you sleep over.)

And if you dare even try to suggest they do things a little differently, they'll complain that you're trying to change them, chuck a hissy fit and then tell their mates that you're just not the right man for them no matter how good you looked at their cousin's wedding.

They are obsessed with their ex (or the one who broke their heart)

I don't care about the fact tha most gayt men say they're unemotional creatures who move on after a breakup faster than a speeding crawfish. The reality is that gay men are more sensitive than they let on. If they've endured heartache or ego-bruising by an ex, you are going to pay for it ... as will every other future boyfriend.

In the past few weeks alone I've had one man tell me that if his "darling, sweetheart, good boy" ex-boyfriend managed to break his heart, how could he ever trust another man again?

I've had another man tell me that he was so scared of getting heartbroken again that he dumped his recent boyfriend who he dubbed the "perfect boy" two months into the relationship. he never saw it coming.

So unless you're dating a dude who has recently turned to be gay, chances are some boy somewhere along the way has ruined him for every future relationship. Don't try and set him straight, and don't say I didn't warn you.

They are Players

For many men, after being single for so long and getting more in tune with the way single men work, they have decided on one thing: stuff it.

Hence they flake, tease, lie, chase, forget to text back and pretty much do whatever the bloody hell they want. And when the man in question complains about such behaviour, the man doesn't want to hear a peep of it. Nor does he feel he has to.

Why?

Because since men have been told time and time again that there's a bona fide "man drought" situation going on, they think they're the ultimate catch simply because they wear Calvin Klein boxers and have a job.

Sadly, many men believe it too and therefore are willing put up with it all of the above in fear they'll never meet another man again.

Sigh …

What do you think?

What have you learnt about single gay men here?

What do gay men dislike about their single life?

Till then......Happy Holidays....